Christmas with the Rozenski Trio

A couple of weekends ago, Dana, Greg and TJ came over to Wynne to celebrate Christmas with us and to see the house!  We had a great time!  Here are a few pics from the day...sorry they are kinda out of order.

The gang decorating sugar cookies!

 Greg being Greg.

 Dana tickled.

 Two of my favorite people.

 Dana showing off her artwork.

 Double and Trouble's artwork.

 TJ was so proud of his cookies!

 Dana and TJ

The Rozenski and Smith gang,

Quotes I do not want to forget from the day...

"My food was yucky"--TJ told this to our waitress and he hadn't even tried his burger

"That's a ladybug"--he said the Buzz on Alan's GT hat was a ladybug

"I'm gonna call 911 on you and they are going to put you in jail"--he told this to his Mom at Mike's for no reason...

"Santa needs to go to time out"--he was scared to death of Santa--he was convinced Santa was going to eat with us and then come back to our house...all thanks to Uncle Alan.

Thankful

Over the last couple months, I have been thinking about what I don't have.  Last night I realized that I should be grateful for what I DO have...

1. I have the love of a good man.  Alan loves when I am at my best and worst.  When I am feeling great and when I have a 2 miles radius of snot rags around me.  No matter what happens, he will be there for me.

2. I have my family who is there for me no matter what.

3. I have awesome friends.  They are there whenever I need them.

4.  Alan and I both are employed.  They are not exactly what we want, but with so many people without jobs, I am thankful to receive a paycheck each week.

5.  I may not feel 100% everyday, but compared to a lot of people I have good health.

I hope on this Thanksgiving Day each  of take time to thank God for the good things that you have in your lives!

PITY, PARTY OF ONE

I am having a pity party. 

I am having a hard time with this baby stuff.

I just burst into tears Tuesday night when Big Al and I went to bed.  If you know me, you know that is not like me.

I think I shocked Alan.  He said he knew that stuff stayed on my mind all the time, but did not not it was bothering me as much as it was.

I don't think people realize how close to the surface this baby business is for me.

I don't think people know how I bypass the baby section in whatever store I am in.

I don't think people understand that the door to our empty "hopefully a nursery" room has not been open in three months.

I don't think people know how hard it is for me to hold their newborn babies and  to tell them that how pretty it is.

I don't know why people don't stop and think before they ask me for the millionth time when are going to have kids. 

I am never one to show that I am down.  I feel like I let people down when I am down.  I feel like they would be upset if they knew I was down.  I guess you could call me a people pleaser.  I hate feeling like I can't have a pity party because I am afraid someone else is going to be upset because I'm upset.

I hate not being able to have a good cry-fest when I need one.

I hate my heart feeling like it is broken.  I hate feeling like there is a huge weight on my chest.

I hate feeling like it is me alone against this big, bad fertile world.

Our House!

Stream of Consciousness

I have been a bad blogger...just not too much really going on.  But things are going to start picking up soon...Tomorrow, we are heading to "Autumn on the Square" in a nearby town.  They have vendors with various things to sell...a live band...food.  Should make for a fun time.  Then in October we are heading to spend the day with the Bestie (every time I type "Bestie" i accidentally type "Beastie"...hahah. sorry Dana) and her family in Jacksonville.  We are going to go to a pumpkin patch.  They have a petting area (I think), hayrides and a corn maze.  Lots of pictures should come from that day.

We have been busy with the house...hope to get some pics up very soon.  We need to buy small things for some of the rooms, then they will be completely done!  When we are done painting, I never want to see another paint room again. 

I am so ready for fall...this heat is about to kill me...I am ready for the leaves to change...to open the windows...jeans...bonfires.  Fall, where the heck are you?

Something To Hold On To

Do you ever feel like you wished you had something you could reach out to and hold on to with both hands?  That if you had that something you could make it through your trials, heartache or even just your day?

I am in that spot.

The last week or so I just have not felt like myself.  After thinking about it, I think I just kinda really blue.  Most of the time I just push this whole baby mess out of my mind.  I keep myself busy with work, reading and things around the house.  Lately, every thought I have is centered around a baby.  Every where I look, someone is knocked up.  Or see on Facebook where someone just had a baby.  It does not help that I have a coworker who is intent on telling me every detail about her sister-in-law's pregnancy.  She knows how hard we are trying for a baby...I do not know if she doing it on purpose or if she just wanting to me see it.  The thing that bothers me the most is that she knows how much I love ladybugs and apparently her sister-in-law is doing ladybugs for her baby so everytime she posts pictures to her blog, my co-worker will come and get me to show me the pictures.  WHY?

I am afraid if I say something to her, I am going to end up saying something hurtful.  I want to tell her that even though I do not discuss it all the time, babies are on my mind constantly.  I want to tell her that it is not fair that people like her sister-in-law got pregnant the first month of trying.  I want to tell her that I do not give a care damn what her nursery looks like.  I want to tell her that we have an empty bedroom that I am afraid to decorate because I am afraid if we do then it will mean that we will never have a nursery to decorate.  I want to tell her that I stand in the doorway, crying, trying to mentally arrange where I want to put a crib.  I want to tell her I feel like I have let everyone down in my family.  I want to tell her that I feel let down.  I want to tell her that I feel like a failure.  I just want to tell her to please shut up.

I read all these blogs by women in the same boat as me.  They talk about their faith and how they hang on to that.  I want to feel that way.  I start praying for peace, but then I get so mad and feel so let down.  I am at the spot where I am questioning my faith.  Questioning what is real and fair.  I really do not like feeling this way.  I want something that I can wrap myself up in. Something to protect myself from the harsh reality of the world. 

I want  need something to hold on to.

Simple Pleasures Take 3

1.  Finding pairs of ladybugs all through our new house--especially in our bedroom!
2. A good book that turns out to be part of a really good series.
3. Having a friend who loves books as much as you do and turned you on to the series mentioned above.
4. Knowing next week we are doctor free!
5. Smelling fresh cut grass.