Infertility does not just concern women--it affects men and women--But in different ways. Wives often have a hard time trying to understanding the difficulties their husbands face.
One of a husband's goals is to try and prevent their wife from suffering from any pain--whether physical or emotional. It is a man's nature to want to "fix" the problem. When they see that they can't, they then feel like they have to be the "strong one." As wives, we have to be careful and not take for granted our husband's strength when we see how they handle their pain. We may think that this struggle doesn't bother them or that they don't care as much as we do. Many times, men will deal with their grief, sadness and pain by doing all they know how to do--being strong! Husbands, please realize that your strength is very comforting to your wives. But when they see that you are vulnerable, it gives give that chance to be the strong one and they see that these things bother you just has deeply has they do her! It will make your marriage stronger sharing those vulnerable time together!
One of the side effects of infertility (unfortunately it isn't one very many people will talk about) is unfaithfulness. With the struggle of infertility, marriage can feel sad or lonely and it can become very easy to try and fill those voids outside the boundary of your marriage. Remember, God sees faithfulness as a heart issue, not just a physical act. It is important to note that no one is immune to temptation. If you are finding yourself being being unfaithful or on the verge, please take time to ask for forgiveness and strength to move on. Trust is a huge issue in marriage. It is so important to talk with you spouse--make time to talk about this issue and your battle against infertility. Most importantly PRAY for each other!
In this chapter, i discovered that behind an amazing woman--there was an amazing man! Elkanah loved Hannah very much. Many men in that time would have divorced Hannah in an heartbeat. True he took an additional wife, but by remaining married to Hannah, he affirmed his love for her. He also offered Hannah a double portion of the sacrificial feast. This was normally given to the oldest heir. No woman was part of this legacy. The firstborn was given double everything. For a woman to be given her own portion AND a portion for a child she did not have, showed that Elkanah was a great man. When Alan and I met and became serious, I was very straight forwarded with my "girl problems." He knew that I only had one ovary and that us having a child could possibly be a hard feat. Once we decided to start the process of having a baby, I struggled (I shouldn't used past tense here, I still struggle) with feelings that if Alan would have married a "normal" girl, he would have a child by now. That I was not only letting him down, but our parents and families. These feelings often eat me up, but when Alan comes in and puts those arms around me (yes, he has an uncanny way of knowing when I'm hurting--and yes, one of his hugs make it so much better), I know that he loves me and will love me no matter what. I too have a great man behind me.
BURDEN BEARS (FOR GUYS)When you know of someone who has lost a child (miscarriage, still birth, etc) please take note that the wife isn't the only one hurting. Husbands may not express it verbally but he is hurting and needs the same respect his wife does. If you know of a couples struggles, please don't comment or may jokes ("shooting blank, huh?" or "knocked up the wife yet?"). Unless you have been through it, please don't pretend to know what a friend is going through.
