Christmas Time!

I know, I know! A week late! What can I say? I just haven't been in the mood to update this thing. As you can tell the above pics are from Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. My Grandma was able to come and speak a week at my Mom's. We had a good time with her. I had to include one of the routine pics we take every year. The one with Mom and the bows on her head. I told a co-worker about it (see post from my work Christmas party post) and I decided to post it to convince her! The top two pics of Alan--I know I owe an explanation. Big Al is a smart butt and thinks he knows everything that he is getting for Christmas. True, he knows some things. He also is a smart butt when he wraps my presents (wrapping it 8 times, putting it several boxes, etc). Well, this year I decided to get him. I helped my Mom wrap most of the stuff, so I asked her for ideas. We decided that we would duct tape a large box--the whole box. Then wrap it up really pretty. The look on his face was priceless!

Can't Believe it's Time Already!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Alan and I wanted to take the time to wish everyone a safe and Merry Christmas!

Santa Alan! Santa Calli! Lazy Wickett!

I had to include these pics! The cats love the tree and tree skirt. As soon as we were done decorating it, they were underneath it claiming their spot. When we put the presents under it, we have to save their "spots". Calli didn't really enjoy the Santa hat, but I thought it would make a cute picture. Alan protested almost as much as Calli, but I thought he looked cute too!

Oh Christmas Tree! Oh Christmas Tree!

We got our tree on Sunday! We ended up getting the very first one we looked at!
I included some pictures of our front door and of some of our favorite decorations. Like every year, we think this tree looks the best!

Christmas Party!

We had a good time at my office Christmas Party. It was at Mallard's (which is outside Forrest City). I didn't really know what to expect since it was my first one to attend. We ate, had dessert and openned presents. I was very fortunate to receive a Christmas bonus. God really knew how much we needed it. One neat thing they do is have a Santa bag full of "grab bags". Everyone takes turns getting one out...they were things like lotion, Christmas paper, bath stuff, etc--but in each thing there was cash!! We each got five bags and I ended up with twenty four bucks! It is so nice to work for people who appreciate you and want to get to you know you and your family. Everyone hugged each other and thanked one another. So very different than where I worked at before. Let me explain the bows on heads pictures...The ladies at work and I decided that we would draw names and exchange gifts. I got Mary Ann's name and on her gift I put a big red bow on it. I told her that at my house, when we got bows like that on gifts, we would have to put the bow on. I was surprised that she did it and decided that she looked so cute that I had to take a picture!!! Monique had to join in and I insisted on getting a picture of her! We had a really good time and I feel lucky to work with and for the people I do!

Trying to Get Back to Normal.

This week has been really hard. The first two days, I spent it crying. The rest of it, I've gotten better and only get weepy once in a while. We have started talking about "next time" and are making plans. It is all too raw to really muddle through. Anyhow, I thought I would include a picture of the flowers Bubba sent me. One thing I forgot...Tuesday when I went back to work, I was really afraid of how people would handle me and our situation. Everyone was so nice and just hugged me. At the end of the day, one of my bosses (Dr. Gore) was kinda hanging around like she wanted to say something, so I went into the lab and she followed. She came in and said that she didn't know till later that morning and just didn't know what to say and they she couldn't say anything till then because she had been crying. I in turn started crying and she just hugged me. How many bosses would do that? It's making me cry just thinking about it...

Aunt Flo is a Bitch.

Well, first things first. I'm not knocked up. I pretty much knew it all along--plus two negative HPT over the weekend, the blood work today and the spotting that started Sat kinda sealed it. I'm pretty pissed the way they told us. They drew my blood and asked if we wanted to wait. Of course I said yes. They asked us to wait outside the door--with all of these other people waiting on blood work--this is also where every patient walks through to check out and make their next apointment. The lab lady calls my name and we walk over. The entire way over I'm shaking my head and she agrees and says it was it negative. Of course I start crying in front of everyone. They could have called me over to a room or something.

Anyhow, all I've done for 4 days is cry. I feel so let down. I wouldn't have made it through this without Alan. He has been very supportive. I sometimes forget that all this hurts and bothers him just as much as it does me. My family has also been very helpful. When we got back today, I went straight into our bathroom and on the sink sat a vase of flowers. I asked Alan what he had done. He said what are you talking about. I read the card--it was from my brother and mom. Again, I burst into teats. Alan called mom to thank her. She had no idea what he was talking about. Brandon had done it on his own. Thanks, Bubba!

Honestly, I am quite upset about this turnout. All the money and time we spent. Yes, I feel like a failure. If it hurts this much not to have one, I can't imagine how it feels to lose one through miscarriage or death. I'm pissed at myself, the doc, God--just about everyone. Deep down I know that God has a reason for it--I might figure it out in time--I might not. Today at work, I flipped open the Bible to the book of Job (looking for something to make me feel better)--I don't understand how Job stayed faithful the way he did. How could he not curse God? I'm not that strong. I haven't blamed him or cursed him, but the thought has been there. But then I think of the good things I have in life (life itself, Alan, my family, my new job, etc) and I know that it is just Satan trying to get in. Through this whole Gonal-F round, I have learned that I need God and I need to get back in Church. Maybe that is what he was (is)trying me to realize?

I know that we will do this again. It hurts now, but I know we will be okay with time. It will take several months to save the money back up, but I know that I won't feel like doing it again for a while so it will even out.

Bets are Being Placed.

Alan and Mom are placing all of their big bucks on YES and I'm placing all of mine of MAYBE, but with my luck NO. Guys you might not want to read the next part of this...over last weekend, my boobs got (and have stayed VERY) sore. They also have increased in size. They have changed in other ways too, but I'm not going to go into great detail about it. I've been very emotional, craving potatoes (mainly baked), starting feeling sick to my stomach, according to Alan I'm a little moody, I can smell everything (last night I made Alan change pillows because his usual one had a STANK to it), backaches and lately I've been having some indigestion. I keep telling them not to say that I am knocked up--it will make it easier when they tell me Monday that I'm not. I'm trying to be positive about it. I just know how bad it is going to hurt if I'm not. And I know, that I have no idea how good I will feel if I am!! I'm going to buy a home pregnancy test (hpt) tomorrow night...it's still a little early, but we shall see!

On other notes, we put up most of our Christmas stuff over the Thanksgiving holiday. We are planning on getting our tree the weekend of the 8th. That is when it feels like Christmas!! I think we are going to try and get started on our shopping this weekend.

I Lost the Bet!

Last night my University of Memphis Tigers played Alan's Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets in b-ball. We started off so good (up by like 19 points). I got so cocky that I decided to place a bet with Alan. It was nothing bad...just a back rub. Well, my Tigers decided to also get cocky and decided to shoot 3-pointers and miss them. Which would have been fine if they would have gotten the rebounds...BUT NO. We ended up losing by like7 points. I keep telling Alan that I don't recall placing a bet and if I did, I know I didn't shake on it. Because of those reasons, I think I'm going to get out of that bet!

Booty Shakin' IUI

I can't believe that I forgot to post this yesterday about the IUI. Once we got to the doc's office and Alan did his thing, we had about an hour to kill. We didn't want to leave, so we sat there and got really stressed out! We didn't talk much and when we did it was like "nice weather we are having huh?". Finally we get called back to the room (Mom's or sib's you might want to skip this part--not x-rated but still not a way you want to picture your daughter (in-law) or sis (in-law). Alan set in the chair in the corner and Angela tells me to take off my bottoms and get on the table. As I'm changing I notice that there is a mirror on the door right in front of Big Al. I'm standing there in my shirt and socks...I turn around and shake my booty in the mirror so he can barely see it. He busted out laughing! It broke the ice and made us both feel a little better. I do that sort of thing when football is on, he is on the phone for long periods of time, etc...whenever I want to get his attention or make him laugh. Most of the time it works.

IUI Over and Done

The IUI was not as bad as we thought it would be! Alan did his share and when my turn came, I did it without too much of a fuss. It really wasn't as bad as I had it hyped up to be! I think the whole thing took about 5 minutes if that! The worst part has been the mild cramps. Period cramps are way worse than these! I am having some mild spotting, but from what I've read that is normal. Dr. D said that the hormone levels he tested last Thursday all turned out really good. He did put me on prometrium (it protects the lining of your uterus and is supposed to decrease the risk of miscarriage). Dr. D said that we will know in two weeks if it worked. We go back on the 4th of Dec for blood work. Now the two week wait (2ww) is on!!! Keep your fingers crossed!

Alan's Practice Shots!

I should have posted these earlier but...My Mom suggested to us that we buy an orange (it's the closest to human skin and they are used to teach diabetics how to give insulin shots). Alan practiced till he felt comfortable! Now he is a pro! He has been so worried that he is going to hurt me. He does a really good job!

Happy Anniversary!

Yesterday was our 5 year anniversary! 5 years--it seems like was just yesterday that I was walking down that aisle towards Alan. Our day didn't go as I had hoped. I woke up with a horrible headache that quickly turned into a migraine. I got ready for work and went--I was only there for about 20 minutes before I had to call Alan and have him pick me up. I came home and slept till lunch. I felt better but the headache was still there. Alan came home to check on me and came in with a vase of beautiful flowers!

When he got home from work we decided to go and on and exchange gifts (this close to Christmas, we limit our gifts to about $20). He got me a spa manicure. I was really impressed because I would have never thought about one for myself. I found these key to my heart key chains. Alan's is a key with his name and our wedding date engraved. Mine is a heart with my name and wedding date engraved. I didn't know if he would like them (maybe too girly) but he loved it!

After we we got back from doing our weekly shopping, we just hung out and relaxed. Every year it is a tradition to get our champagne glasses out that we used at our wedding. This year we just had sparkling grape juice since we are trying to get pregnant!

Today we went to Memphis to out to eat and just relax. We know that being relaxed and not stressed will really help this whole IUI thing. It really helped. The two of us just hung out and did a little shopping. I think we both had a good day!

Two Eggies

My u/s went great!!! Usually those things are kinda painful for me, but this one wasn't bad. We have two eggies growing. One is 1.4 cm and the other is good size (we forgot to ask!). Dr. D wants them to be 2 cm so I'm going to continue with the Gonal thru Sunday. Then Sunday do the Gonal-F and trigger shot. Monday we go in for the IUI. Dr. D has a really good personality. He was telling us that would could have sex Sunday, then not do it again till after the IUI. I told him that was good cause our anniversary was tomorrow. He said well then go crazy till then, then restrain yourselves. He and Alan also had a nice conversation about what Alan has to do before the IUI. Let me just say, that my face was blood red. Dr. D commented on it and just laughed.

Tomorow is the Day!

I'm getting so nervous...tomorrow is the day for the u/s. Tomorrow is the day when we found out if the gonal has been helping me grow eggies...I'M SO NERVOUS, ANXIOUS, EXCITED, SCARED...You name it and that's me! Alan keeps asking me if I'm okay...Yes, I'm okay. I've been a little testy tonight, but I just can't help it. I'm ready for tomorrow to be over. I think if I was having the u/s via my danger zone, I would feel a lot better! On a good note, Alan gave me my shot tonight unassisted. He did a really good job. I will post again after my visit tomorrow.

I'm Starting to Feel Like a Dart Board

My poor belly is starting to look like a dart board...and someone has very bad aim! I guess I'm lucky so far...I only have one little bruise. Not as bad as it could be. I think I'm going to have to stop showing my Mom (not sure how that is going to work since she is the one giving me the shots)--she gets this sad look on her and face and says "Poor Sissy!"

Way to Go Big Al!

He did it! Big Al (nickname I have affectionately called Alan for years now--he hates it, but now I think it has grown on him--though he would never admit it!) barely hesitated last night when he gave me the shot! I'm really proud of him. My only complaint is I told him to tell me when he was going to do it--he said I'm going to do it--then had to count to three. I knew on three he was going to do it and I kinda tensed up. Didn't really hurt--just kinda stung.

So far the side effects from the Gonal-f hasn't been too bad. Emotional and little weepy. I did have a REALLY bad migraine on Saturday. I don't know if it was from the meds or what. I think the meds added to it. It got to the point where I thought I was going to have to go the ER. Thankfully all the pain meds I took finally kicked in!

Thursday we go to the doc for an u/s. I'm really nervous, but I'm ready to see if this stuff is working. I'm feeling something going on around my ovary. It's not pain--it just feels like there is something going on. Kinda hard to explain. I don't think I'm trying to overstimulate...I'm assuming I would have some pain with that? I guess I will find on on Thursday!

Two Down! How Many More Left?

Number two is said and done. Just as easy as last night. Mom showed Alan how to do it. Tomorrow Alan will give the shot while Mom watches. So far the only side effect I have is being a little weepy. Dr. D said it will probably be like bad PMS. Alan is looking forward to that! We think that the u/s and IUI being scheduled around our anniversary (nov 17th) is a good sign.

About a week and half ago, one of my boss' (Dr. M) had surgery to remove his prostate (due to cancer). On his way home from a doc apt in Memphis, he stopped by the office. When he walked through the door, his face just lite up. It was nice to see him. He is sore, but is improving.

As far as our weekend is concerned, we are doing nothing. I am tired and with not knowing how I'm going to respond to the shots, I told Alan that I just want to stay at home, do the few things I need to do and spend the rest of the time lounging around. We see if I stick to it!

I DID IT!

I didn't even feel the shot! I could not believe it! It took longer to prep for the shot then it did to get it! Mom said "Are you ready?" I looked down and saw that the needle was in me. Then it was over. So far, the worst part has been is that I've been feeling warm spots (like icey hot)go over my belly and back. It doesn't hurt it--just feels weird! I hope the rest of the shots go has easy as this one!

Dr. D is the Best!!

Angela (Dr. D's nurse) called me today with GREAT news. Dr. D is going to come in on his day off and do my IUI!!! How many docs would do that? We are excited because tomorrow is the day I start my shots!! The last few days, my heart has been beating fast and I've been having some headaches. I started checking my blood sugar today--it was all over the place. I don't really know what is going on. Mom thinks it is from the bc and going off it or from the Slim Fast that I drink every morning (it can cause your sugar to go up and then drop quickly). I'm going to change my breakfast habits and see if that works, if not I guess I will ask Dr. D. Please pray that just changing things around will work!

WHOO-HOO

Auntie Flo finally showed up! This means on Thursday, I will start my Gonal-f injections! We are so excited!! Alan won't be here to watch the first one...meeting in Wheatley. I guess he will learn on Friday. I called Dr. D and talked to his nurse Angela (she is great!). I go in Thursday, Nov 16, 2006 for an ultrasound(u/s) for them to check the progress of the eggies. If everything is going as planned, then Monday the 20th i go in for the IUI. The only problem is that Dr. D is supposed to be out of the office that day. Another Dr. may have to do the IUI...which I don't really like, but I will do if it I have to. Dr. D is going to check his schedule and see if he can come in and do it for me. I think that is really nice and hopes it works out!! Cross your fingers for us!

Waitin' on Aunt Flo;Bub's Neuro Visit

Tonight I took my last bc pill...now I'm just waitin' for Aunt Flo to show her face. I've been spotting (just a little bit) for a few days. I don't think it will take very long. Once I start, it will be CD3 before I start my injections. I have to call Dr. D's office so I can set up my ultrasound and IUI. Once we got the meds in, Alan said that he didn't think he would be able to give me the injections. CHICKEN! My Mom is a nurse, so she is going to give me the first one and he is going to watch. I guess if he can't do it I will try and give it to myself!

Bub had his follow-up with the neuro on Wednesday. His spinal pressure was 380--3 times the normal limit. He said to up the Diamox and come back in 6 months. All his blood work came back normal--which we were so glad about!! He is to follow-up with the eye doctor in about a week (which is going to be the easiest way to check the pressure). The pressure should be lower and therefore hopefully improve his vision!

Jerk-off bank tellers and baby in a box

I told you that I was going to do a lot of catching up. We are doctor free today, so we have a lot of spare time. Monday Alan deposited our money from our "baby bucket" (literally a bucket--at one time it was filled to the brim with alcohol--we got it from a place called Silky's on Beale Street--I believe it is called a diver--see picture). We needed a place to "deposit" our money therefore the "baby bucket" was born. Anyhow, Alan explained to the bank that we needed an extension on our debit card b/c we had to buy our fertility meds. The jerk-off bank wouldn't budge. Alan called me and with me being emotional from that stupid bc, I immediately started crying. Alan being the calmer of the two, called Freedom Drug who gave us a couple different options (which the bank should have done). Alan went back to the bank and told them what Freedom Drug said and if they couldn't do it then we would take our money and leave. Then it was a different story. They would do the transfer for a $20 fee. We ended up getting our meds ordered and they were delivered to my office this morning! I called Alan and I told him that I was holding our baby in a box--I thought he would die. So now we are referring to the Gonal-F as baby in a box(see picture)...although now I guess we should call it baby in a syringe. Anyhow, I called my doc and they said to get it in the fridge and call them when AF arrives. I still have a week of bc left, but I'm already spotting so we will see! I can't wait to go home so Alan and I can go through all the info Freedom Drug sent us!

Bub's spinal tap

My brother had been having a problem with the pressure being up in his eyes. Since I now work for two eye doctors, he came in to see one of them. After several tests, she sent him for an MRI and then to a neuro. The eye doctor hit the nail on the head. Bub has a pseduotumor cerebri--too much spinal fluid which is putting pressure on his optic nerves. It has can cause major headaches, ear pain, dizziness and loss of balance. The neuro then decided to do a spinal tap to see exactly what was (is) going on since most of the time overweight women or women on bc have this. He did the spinal tap last Wednesday (Oct 18). Bub said it wasn't that bad. The spinal pressure was very high and the neuro decided to put Bub on Diamox (a fluid pill). He started taking it and the only draw back was lots of bathroom breaks. By Friday, Bub couldn't even move because of the headache. Sat he starting throwing up and in so much pain he told my Mom to take him to the ER. Here is this little town the hosptial is a joke--they gave him a pain shot. Sunday we headed to Memphis to Baptist East. After a long wait, they gave him I.V. fluids (the Diamox contribued to the dehyradation--he hadn't been drinking or eating) and a strong dose of pain meds. Finally some relief. Then the crazy talk started. It gave me and Mom a laugh. The Doc sent him home with pain meds and told him that he probably has a spinal fluid leak--give it a few days and see. Bub is finally eating and drinking. Yesterday he went back to work (he works for the Department of Justice). He said that the headache was better but still there.

Blog not going as planned...

The title says it all...things have been crazy around here the last several days. From my brother and his spinal tap to trying to get my injections meds to geting a serious sinus infection. I plan on starting from the beginning and updating this weekend!

My weekend

If I didn't not know better I would swear that it was flu time! Friday night when I got home from grocery buying, I hit the hay--woke up enough to eat a piece of pizza--then hit the hay again. I woke up Sat feeling tired, body aches with a mild fever. Sunday more of the same. Alan was very sweet this weekend. Whatever I needed he got it for me before I knew I needed it! Today I feel a little better, but still have the fever. The weather doesn't help. Rain, rain and more rain. Not that I'm complaining...we need it badly. Poor Alan got stuck out in the downpour. There was a school bus accident (minor) and then he got called out to a crime scene (not so minor). Thankfully he didn't have to see anything gross this time! Update on the baby stuff...the birth control is wrecking havoc on my emotions. I watched Father of the Bride I & II this weekend. Cried through both of them. I've gotten teary eyed at a few commercials. I've also had a little nausea but it is getting better! Well, it is about bed time...more tomorrow.

Ready, Set, BABYDANCE

Well, my doc apt went wonderful!!! I didn't have to have the ultrasound because he said that everything looked great a couple of months ago so there wasn't any use putting me through that at this time. The plan is for me to go on birth control (strange I know, but he explained--which i knew--that pcos ladies usually have a lot of LH and I could either take bc to lower that or take 14 days of a $200 injectable--I chose the bc). then on cd 3 I start on taking injections of Gonal-F. Cd 10 I will go for an ultrasound and bloodwork. If my dose needs to be upped, then he will do so. Then we go from there as far as the IUI and such. I'M SO EXCITED! I've been giddy all day! I keep telling Alan "I'm goin' to get knocked up! I'm goin' to get knocked up!". The RX is for a Gonal-F pen. Dr. D says it is really easy to use. Another fablous thing is that we found this pharmacy called Freedom Drug. We are going to get the Gonal-F pen and trigger shot (you have to take a shot to cause you to ovulate--the Gonal-F works to produce eggs--the trigger will shot them out!)for about $600! That is just a fraction of what we thought it would be!!!

Okay, this is the first time that I have had a "blog" but I want a place to vent and a place where others can read about a couple praying for a baby and the lengths that they will through to get it! Don't worry...I'll have the usual complaints and joys of life to write about too! First things first. I have PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) with insulin resistance. It is a is a health problem that can affect a woman's hormone levels, periods, and ovulation. This can affect fertility and pregnancy. Most of the time PCOS is treated with diet and many women go on Glucophage. The glucophage comes with side affects but it is so worth it. I have felt so much better on it. I am also working with just one ovary. In 2000, I had to have my right ovary removed due to a precancerous mass. Last fall, I did three rounds of clomid--for nothing. I didn't ovulate. After an emotional visit to my doc in December, we found out that I will need injections in order to get pregnant. Because my hormones were all over the place, he put me on six weeks of straight birth control. After the six weeks were up, he did an ultrasound and my ovary looked great--BORDERLINE PCOS!! My DH and were so excited. Since the beginning of the year, we have been saving for the injections (everything--shots and office visits-- is going to cost about two grand). Well, finally we are there--Tuesday I go for my check up ultrasound...If everything looks good, then we will be given the green light to start the injections in Nov!! Operation Get Knocked Up has begun!!!