Early Birthday Present!

This Wednesday I will celebrate the big 3-0. My Mom gave me my Birthday present early! We got new furniture with our tax return. Once it got moved in we realized how bad we needed a new entertainment center! It looks really good and we are enjoying it! Here are some pics! THANKS MOM! Once we get some stuff for the walls and some of pictures enlarged, I think our living room will be just what we wanted!!

13 Pounds!

We are now a week and half into our work out and just about three weeks into our "life style change" (AKA as DIET) and I've lost 13 pounds!!!!! I'm so excited. I haven't weighted again since last Sat...I asked Alan to hide the scale so that I wouldn't step on them everyday. I hope to weight in tomorrow. We are walking a mile and doing some of the weights. I'm huffing and puffing less and less--as soon as I stop we are going to step it up to a mile and half! As I lose more and more I will start posting pics.

We have a big week coming up. I hit the big 3-0 on Wed and my Brother has his birthday on Sat. We are going to the zoo on Sat with my Mom and Brother to celebrate. I will post pics of all the excitement!

Walkin'

We joined the Multi-purpose center today. The center is so much nicer than I had expected. B-ball courts, walking track (that's padded), weight machines, pool tables, rooms for conferences, etc. Eight times around the track makes a mile-WE MADE IT EIGHT TIMES. I would have liked to have gone some more, but I was afraid of over doing it...I had to have knee surgery several years ago and if I do too much it can flare up. Anyhow, I'm also down another two pounds, so that makes 8!

Down

The last few days I have felt really down. I don't know if it is because of my impending birthday (yes, I will be hitting the big 3-0) or the fact I'm not a mom yet...all I know is that I'm down and I hate feeling this way.

On other fronts, Alan and I started a diet last Monday. I am down 6 pounds. I'm really excited and for some reason, I'm really motivated. We are going to join our town's multi-purpose center tomorrow. They have a walking track, weight machines and b-ball courts. We can use it has much as we want for about 25 bucks a month. Not bad! I'm hoping that once we start walking, the weight will really start coming off!

I have started reading a great book called Hannah's Hope. I'm hoping that it will be give me some idea of how to handle all that I'm going through. I think I might write a little summary of each chapter--what to you think?

Strep Throat and Double Ear Infection

For the last 3 or 4 weeks, Big Al has been battling a cold. I was so doing so good--hadn't caught it. Wednesday morning I woke up with a horrible sore throat. Thought Okay, it is from drainage. Well, two days later and several slushies later, my throat was worse. This morning when Alan checked it and my tonsils was really swollen but no white patches. I had lunch with my Mom and since she is a nurse I had her check it out...the dreaded white patches. Luckily, my doc here in town was able to get me in. The verdict is strep throat and ear infections. I think he was more concerned with my ears than my throat. I feel really bad--Big Al is taking good care of me! Hopefully, I'll get a day or so of the antibiotic in my system and I'll be good as new! He also gave me some of the good cough syrup--I hope I can get a good sleep tonight!

Putting an End to Self-Pity

As many of you know, I work in an eye doctor's office. One of my many job duties is helping patients pick out and fit them for glasses. Well, one day we had a girl come in and right away I noticed that she was extremely skinny and obviously was wearing a wig. I immediately thought that this girl has cancer. After reviewing her paperwork, I saw that I was right. She has been battling cervical cancer for 6 years. This girl is just 23. I've been stuck in a rut and feeling sorry for myself--seeing this girl and knowing that everyday she battles for her life made me realize that I needed to stop feeling sorry for myself and be grateful for what I have (a wonderful hubby, mom and bubba who love me, life itself, a home, a good job, etc). I know someday that I will be a Mom. I just have to put my faith in God--that in his time it will happen.

Pics of Big Al and the Kitties!

Alan is gonna kill me when he sees these pics!

Whoo Hoo! We Got Our Furniture!

The delivery guys made their appearance today!! We are so happy that we decided to slurge and buy new stuff! It was well worth the money! Has promised, here are a few pics of the new stuff. Take note: not everything is set up the way we exactly want it...we need a new coffee table, pics to hang up and a new entertainment center...we figure it will take a few months to get everything the way we want it!

Happy Valentine's Day!

We just wanted to wish everyone a happy day! I've been joking with Alan that our day isn't going to be very romantic--we are in the process of cleaning our living room--we kicked our salute to American couch to the curb, moved everything else out--after we eat at Mom's we are going to come back and shampoo the carpets! Talk about romance!! Here is a pic of the flowers Alan sent me!

We Got New Furniture!

I'm so excited! We went to Dixie Furniture on Saturday and got us a new couch and chair. They are so pretty. The only bad thing is that they can't deliver it until Thursday (which works out good so we can shampoo our carpet!). We did buy new cranberry colored curtains and lamp shades--they are so pretty! Has soon as we get the new stuff, I'll take some pics and post them!!

Bladder Infection and New Furniture!

Last Friday I knew I had the beginnings of a bladder infection. In true Brandi form--I thought I would be able to cure myself with H2O and cranberry juice. I found out that wouldn't work. Today I've been in a lot of pain and having to go the bathroom a lot (only to go just a little). I called Dr. D's nurse and she called me something in. I started it with dinner so hopefully soon I'll feel better!

We are so excited!! This weekend we are going furniture shopping! We got our Fed Tax back and we have determined that we are going to use it on a new couch and chair (our apt isn't quite big enough for couch and love seat). We have needed new stuff for a while and know it is just a matter of time before this junk we have wears out! I'm looking forward to decorating our living room! I'll post pics as we go along!

Bears or Colts?

Well, today is Super Bowl Sunday. We are getting ready to head over to my Mom's for dinner and to watch the game. We are doing sandwiches, dip and these wonderful sweet bacon chicken wraps (foodnetwork is wonderful!). We are hoping the Bears beat the pants off the Colts!

Been Too Long!

When I started this blog, I intended it to be updated more than it has been! I had hoped to use it has a sorta a diary...I finally figured out why I hadn't updated it--I can't write about how I feel if I don't know. I've never been one to talk about how I feel or what is bothering (it drives Alan crazy!). Anyhow, once I figure this crap out, then I'll be able to write about it. I need to do one rant post and get it out of system--scream, cuss, blame people. Anyhow, I'm going to do some thinking and hopefully this weekend I'll be able to write that post!

Quote I found

I was cruising about the Soul Cysters web site. One of the girl's had this qoute at the bottom of her message...

If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it

Once I read it, I realized I had found the answer to the question I'd been asking myself for a month...

How am I going to get through this?

I must think...more later.

Happy New Year!

We wish everyone a safe and happy 2007! With that being said, I'm so glad that 2006 is OVER! It had it's good points (me getting a new job!) and it's made times (the first round of shots not working, car problems, the list could go on). I know I could come up with more for both, but I know the bad stuff would overwhelm the good and then I'd get depressed. I'm trying to be optimistic about this year, but...you know that is hard to do. I'm going to do my best to make it a good year. There are things that I'm GOING to do...get back to church, spend that time each day in devotion and pray, eat right, exercise and try my hardest to get knocked up!

Christmas Time!

I know, I know! A week late! What can I say? I just haven't been in the mood to update this thing. As you can tell the above pics are from Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. My Grandma was able to come and speak a week at my Mom's. We had a good time with her. I had to include one of the routine pics we take every year. The one with Mom and the bows on her head. I told a co-worker about it (see post from my work Christmas party post) and I decided to post it to convince her! The top two pics of Alan--I know I owe an explanation. Big Al is a smart butt and thinks he knows everything that he is getting for Christmas. True, he knows some things. He also is a smart butt when he wraps my presents (wrapping it 8 times, putting it several boxes, etc). Well, this year I decided to get him. I helped my Mom wrap most of the stuff, so I asked her for ideas. We decided that we would duct tape a large box--the whole box. Then wrap it up really pretty. The look on his face was priceless!

Can't Believe it's Time Already!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Alan and I wanted to take the time to wish everyone a safe and Merry Christmas!

Santa Alan! Santa Calli! Lazy Wickett!

I had to include these pics! The cats love the tree and tree skirt. As soon as we were done decorating it, they were underneath it claiming their spot. When we put the presents under it, we have to save their "spots". Calli didn't really enjoy the Santa hat, but I thought it would make a cute picture. Alan protested almost as much as Calli, but I thought he looked cute too!

Oh Christmas Tree! Oh Christmas Tree!

We got our tree on Sunday! We ended up getting the very first one we looked at!
I included some pictures of our front door and of some of our favorite decorations. Like every year, we think this tree looks the best!

Christmas Party!

We had a good time at my office Christmas Party. It was at Mallard's (which is outside Forrest City). I didn't really know what to expect since it was my first one to attend. We ate, had dessert and openned presents. I was very fortunate to receive a Christmas bonus. God really knew how much we needed it. One neat thing they do is have a Santa bag full of "grab bags". Everyone takes turns getting one out...they were things like lotion, Christmas paper, bath stuff, etc--but in each thing there was cash!! We each got five bags and I ended up with twenty four bucks! It is so nice to work for people who appreciate you and want to get to you know you and your family. Everyone hugged each other and thanked one another. So very different than where I worked at before. Let me explain the bows on heads pictures...The ladies at work and I decided that we would draw names and exchange gifts. I got Mary Ann's name and on her gift I put a big red bow on it. I told her that at my house, when we got bows like that on gifts, we would have to put the bow on. I was surprised that she did it and decided that she looked so cute that I had to take a picture!!! Monique had to join in and I insisted on getting a picture of her! We had a really good time and I feel lucky to work with and for the people I do!

Trying to Get Back to Normal.

This week has been really hard. The first two days, I spent it crying. The rest of it, I've gotten better and only get weepy once in a while. We have started talking about "next time" and are making plans. It is all too raw to really muddle through. Anyhow, I thought I would include a picture of the flowers Bubba sent me. One thing I forgot...Tuesday when I went back to work, I was really afraid of how people would handle me and our situation. Everyone was so nice and just hugged me. At the end of the day, one of my bosses (Dr. Gore) was kinda hanging around like she wanted to say something, so I went into the lab and she followed. She came in and said that she didn't know till later that morning and just didn't know what to say and they she couldn't say anything till then because she had been crying. I in turn started crying and she just hugged me. How many bosses would do that? It's making me cry just thinking about it...

Aunt Flo is a Bitch.

Well, first things first. I'm not knocked up. I pretty much knew it all along--plus two negative HPT over the weekend, the blood work today and the spotting that started Sat kinda sealed it. I'm pretty pissed the way they told us. They drew my blood and asked if we wanted to wait. Of course I said yes. They asked us to wait outside the door--with all of these other people waiting on blood work--this is also where every patient walks through to check out and make their next apointment. The lab lady calls my name and we walk over. The entire way over I'm shaking my head and she agrees and says it was it negative. Of course I start crying in front of everyone. They could have called me over to a room or something.

Anyhow, all I've done for 4 days is cry. I feel so let down. I wouldn't have made it through this without Alan. He has been very supportive. I sometimes forget that all this hurts and bothers him just as much as it does me. My family has also been very helpful. When we got back today, I went straight into our bathroom and on the sink sat a vase of flowers. I asked Alan what he had done. He said what are you talking about. I read the card--it was from my brother and mom. Again, I burst into teats. Alan called mom to thank her. She had no idea what he was talking about. Brandon had done it on his own. Thanks, Bubba!

Honestly, I am quite upset about this turnout. All the money and time we spent. Yes, I feel like a failure. If it hurts this much not to have one, I can't imagine how it feels to lose one through miscarriage or death. I'm pissed at myself, the doc, God--just about everyone. Deep down I know that God has a reason for it--I might figure it out in time--I might not. Today at work, I flipped open the Bible to the book of Job (looking for something to make me feel better)--I don't understand how Job stayed faithful the way he did. How could he not curse God? I'm not that strong. I haven't blamed him or cursed him, but the thought has been there. But then I think of the good things I have in life (life itself, Alan, my family, my new job, etc) and I know that it is just Satan trying to get in. Through this whole Gonal-F round, I have learned that I need God and I need to get back in Church. Maybe that is what he was (is)trying me to realize?

I know that we will do this again. It hurts now, but I know we will be okay with time. It will take several months to save the money back up, but I know that I won't feel like doing it again for a while so it will even out.

Bets are Being Placed.

Alan and Mom are placing all of their big bucks on YES and I'm placing all of mine of MAYBE, but with my luck NO. Guys you might not want to read the next part of this...over last weekend, my boobs got (and have stayed VERY) sore. They also have increased in size. They have changed in other ways too, but I'm not going to go into great detail about it. I've been very emotional, craving potatoes (mainly baked), starting feeling sick to my stomach, according to Alan I'm a little moody, I can smell everything (last night I made Alan change pillows because his usual one had a STANK to it), backaches and lately I've been having some indigestion. I keep telling them not to say that I am knocked up--it will make it easier when they tell me Monday that I'm not. I'm trying to be positive about it. I just know how bad it is going to hurt if I'm not. And I know, that I have no idea how good I will feel if I am!! I'm going to buy a home pregnancy test (hpt) tomorrow night...it's still a little early, but we shall see!

On other notes, we put up most of our Christmas stuff over the Thanksgiving holiday. We are planning on getting our tree the weekend of the 8th. That is when it feels like Christmas!! I think we are going to try and get started on our shopping this weekend.

I Lost the Bet!

Last night my University of Memphis Tigers played Alan's Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets in b-ball. We started off so good (up by like 19 points). I got so cocky that I decided to place a bet with Alan. It was nothing bad...just a back rub. Well, my Tigers decided to also get cocky and decided to shoot 3-pointers and miss them. Which would have been fine if they would have gotten the rebounds...BUT NO. We ended up losing by like7 points. I keep telling Alan that I don't recall placing a bet and if I did, I know I didn't shake on it. Because of those reasons, I think I'm going to get out of that bet!

Booty Shakin' IUI

I can't believe that I forgot to post this yesterday about the IUI. Once we got to the doc's office and Alan did his thing, we had about an hour to kill. We didn't want to leave, so we sat there and got really stressed out! We didn't talk much and when we did it was like "nice weather we are having huh?". Finally we get called back to the room (Mom's or sib's you might want to skip this part--not x-rated but still not a way you want to picture your daughter (in-law) or sis (in-law). Alan set in the chair in the corner and Angela tells me to take off my bottoms and get on the table. As I'm changing I notice that there is a mirror on the door right in front of Big Al. I'm standing there in my shirt and socks...I turn around and shake my booty in the mirror so he can barely see it. He busted out laughing! It broke the ice and made us both feel a little better. I do that sort of thing when football is on, he is on the phone for long periods of time, etc...whenever I want to get his attention or make him laugh. Most of the time it works.

IUI Over and Done

The IUI was not as bad as we thought it would be! Alan did his share and when my turn came, I did it without too much of a fuss. It really wasn't as bad as I had it hyped up to be! I think the whole thing took about 5 minutes if that! The worst part has been the mild cramps. Period cramps are way worse than these! I am having some mild spotting, but from what I've read that is normal. Dr. D said that the hormone levels he tested last Thursday all turned out really good. He did put me on prometrium (it protects the lining of your uterus and is supposed to decrease the risk of miscarriage). Dr. D said that we will know in two weeks if it worked. We go back on the 4th of Dec for blood work. Now the two week wait (2ww) is on!!! Keep your fingers crossed!

Alan's Practice Shots!

I should have posted these earlier but...My Mom suggested to us that we buy an orange (it's the closest to human skin and they are used to teach diabetics how to give insulin shots). Alan practiced till he felt comfortable! Now he is a pro! He has been so worried that he is going to hurt me. He does a really good job!

Happy Anniversary!

Yesterday was our 5 year anniversary! 5 years--it seems like was just yesterday that I was walking down that aisle towards Alan. Our day didn't go as I had hoped. I woke up with a horrible headache that quickly turned into a migraine. I got ready for work and went--I was only there for about 20 minutes before I had to call Alan and have him pick me up. I came home and slept till lunch. I felt better but the headache was still there. Alan came home to check on me and came in with a vase of beautiful flowers!

When he got home from work we decided to go and on and exchange gifts (this close to Christmas, we limit our gifts to about $20). He got me a spa manicure. I was really impressed because I would have never thought about one for myself. I found these key to my heart key chains. Alan's is a key with his name and our wedding date engraved. Mine is a heart with my name and wedding date engraved. I didn't know if he would like them (maybe too girly) but he loved it!

After we we got back from doing our weekly shopping, we just hung out and relaxed. Every year it is a tradition to get our champagne glasses out that we used at our wedding. This year we just had sparkling grape juice since we are trying to get pregnant!

Today we went to Memphis to out to eat and just relax. We know that being relaxed and not stressed will really help this whole IUI thing. It really helped. The two of us just hung out and did a little shopping. I think we both had a good day!

Two Eggies

My u/s went great!!! Usually those things are kinda painful for me, but this one wasn't bad. We have two eggies growing. One is 1.4 cm and the other is good size (we forgot to ask!). Dr. D wants them to be 2 cm so I'm going to continue with the Gonal thru Sunday. Then Sunday do the Gonal-F and trigger shot. Monday we go in for the IUI. Dr. D has a really good personality. He was telling us that would could have sex Sunday, then not do it again till after the IUI. I told him that was good cause our anniversary was tomorrow. He said well then go crazy till then, then restrain yourselves. He and Alan also had a nice conversation about what Alan has to do before the IUI. Let me just say, that my face was blood red. Dr. D commented on it and just laughed.

Tomorow is the Day!

I'm getting so nervous...tomorrow is the day for the u/s. Tomorrow is the day when we found out if the gonal has been helping me grow eggies...I'M SO NERVOUS, ANXIOUS, EXCITED, SCARED...You name it and that's me! Alan keeps asking me if I'm okay...Yes, I'm okay. I've been a little testy tonight, but I just can't help it. I'm ready for tomorrow to be over. I think if I was having the u/s via my danger zone, I would feel a lot better! On a good note, Alan gave me my shot tonight unassisted. He did a really good job. I will post again after my visit tomorrow.

I'm Starting to Feel Like a Dart Board

My poor belly is starting to look like a dart board...and someone has very bad aim! I guess I'm lucky so far...I only have one little bruise. Not as bad as it could be. I think I'm going to have to stop showing my Mom (not sure how that is going to work since she is the one giving me the shots)--she gets this sad look on her and face and says "Poor Sissy!"

Way to Go Big Al!

He did it! Big Al (nickname I have affectionately called Alan for years now--he hates it, but now I think it has grown on him--though he would never admit it!) barely hesitated last night when he gave me the shot! I'm really proud of him. My only complaint is I told him to tell me when he was going to do it--he said I'm going to do it--then had to count to three. I knew on three he was going to do it and I kinda tensed up. Didn't really hurt--just kinda stung.

So far the side effects from the Gonal-f hasn't been too bad. Emotional and little weepy. I did have a REALLY bad migraine on Saturday. I don't know if it was from the meds or what. I think the meds added to it. It got to the point where I thought I was going to have to go the ER. Thankfully all the pain meds I took finally kicked in!

Thursday we go to the doc for an u/s. I'm really nervous, but I'm ready to see if this stuff is working. I'm feeling something going on around my ovary. It's not pain--it just feels like there is something going on. Kinda hard to explain. I don't think I'm trying to overstimulate...I'm assuming I would have some pain with that? I guess I will find on on Thursday!

Two Down! How Many More Left?

Number two is said and done. Just as easy as last night. Mom showed Alan how to do it. Tomorrow Alan will give the shot while Mom watches. So far the only side effect I have is being a little weepy. Dr. D said it will probably be like bad PMS. Alan is looking forward to that! We think that the u/s and IUI being scheduled around our anniversary (nov 17th) is a good sign.

About a week and half ago, one of my boss' (Dr. M) had surgery to remove his prostate (due to cancer). On his way home from a doc apt in Memphis, he stopped by the office. When he walked through the door, his face just lite up. It was nice to see him. He is sore, but is improving.

As far as our weekend is concerned, we are doing nothing. I am tired and with not knowing how I'm going to respond to the shots, I told Alan that I just want to stay at home, do the few things I need to do and spend the rest of the time lounging around. We see if I stick to it!

I DID IT!

I didn't even feel the shot! I could not believe it! It took longer to prep for the shot then it did to get it! Mom said "Are you ready?" I looked down and saw that the needle was in me. Then it was over. So far, the worst part has been is that I've been feeling warm spots (like icey hot)go over my belly and back. It doesn't hurt it--just feels weird! I hope the rest of the shots go has easy as this one!

Dr. D is the Best!!

Angela (Dr. D's nurse) called me today with GREAT news. Dr. D is going to come in on his day off and do my IUI!!! How many docs would do that? We are excited because tomorrow is the day I start my shots!! The last few days, my heart has been beating fast and I've been having some headaches. I started checking my blood sugar today--it was all over the place. I don't really know what is going on. Mom thinks it is from the bc and going off it or from the Slim Fast that I drink every morning (it can cause your sugar to go up and then drop quickly). I'm going to change my breakfast habits and see if that works, if not I guess I will ask Dr. D. Please pray that just changing things around will work!

WHOO-HOO

Auntie Flo finally showed up! This means on Thursday, I will start my Gonal-f injections! We are so excited!! Alan won't be here to watch the first one...meeting in Wheatley. I guess he will learn on Friday. I called Dr. D and talked to his nurse Angela (she is great!). I go in Thursday, Nov 16, 2006 for an ultrasound(u/s) for them to check the progress of the eggies. If everything is going as planned, then Monday the 20th i go in for the IUI. The only problem is that Dr. D is supposed to be out of the office that day. Another Dr. may have to do the IUI...which I don't really like, but I will do if it I have to. Dr. D is going to check his schedule and see if he can come in and do it for me. I think that is really nice and hopes it works out!! Cross your fingers for us!

Waitin' on Aunt Flo;Bub's Neuro Visit

Tonight I took my last bc pill...now I'm just waitin' for Aunt Flo to show her face. I've been spotting (just a little bit) for a few days. I don't think it will take very long. Once I start, it will be CD3 before I start my injections. I have to call Dr. D's office so I can set up my ultrasound and IUI. Once we got the meds in, Alan said that he didn't think he would be able to give me the injections. CHICKEN! My Mom is a nurse, so she is going to give me the first one and he is going to watch. I guess if he can't do it I will try and give it to myself!

Bub had his follow-up with the neuro on Wednesday. His spinal pressure was 380--3 times the normal limit. He said to up the Diamox and come back in 6 months. All his blood work came back normal--which we were so glad about!! He is to follow-up with the eye doctor in about a week (which is going to be the easiest way to check the pressure). The pressure should be lower and therefore hopefully improve his vision!