Summer= Almost Over :(
15 years ago
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
SICK AGAIN!
Well, yesterday I had to go back to the doctor--been here every month for the last 4. Another sinus infection...this time strep to go with it. I feel like poop and have missed the last two days of work. I really hated to miss because one of the girls in on vacation, so that left two of them stretched tight. But I would not have been of any help, I'm so behind on this blog--pics, Hannah's Hope, etc...I promise that once I'm back up and running I'll get it all caught up!
Friday, June 01, 2007
Hannah's Hope. Chapter 3. Is God Punishing Me?
God promised that none of His people would miscarry or be barren (Exodus 23:26). All the Israelites had to do was worship God and do all He had commanded and God's protection and blessing would be poured upon them. What was Hannah to think when she didn't conceive? Was she being punished for her sins? Was the talk around the village that Hannah was childless because she was a sinner?
From what I have read Hannah was not barren due to her sins. I believe that Hannah's "puzzle" was very close to Job's. Both were put through trials--neither sinned nor cursed God. I have felt (and still feel at times) that I'm being punished for my sins. In talking with other girls in my same situation, I know that I am not alone. I also know that I'm wrong to feel that way. The Bible says that if we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. There is no big too big or too small. If you have admitted your past to God and repented--He has already washed you clean. The question is --WILL YOU ACCEPT? I have realized something--I haven't FULLY accepted...
BUT I HAVE NOW!
Now that I have accepted God's grace, I'm asking you to take the same invitation. God was you (and all of us) to have a personal relationship where he will listen to the cries of your heart. Before you can have that relationship, you must first ask for forgiveness--and it must be accepted before it will be any good. Jennifer Saake paraphrases John 3:16 in a way I have never thought of--"For God so longed to call me His child, that he offered me the life of his only biological Son to pay the price of my adoption (Page 47). Jesus has already paid my debt for my sins by dying on the cross. When we continue to carry our guilt and believe that we are punished due to our sins, we are buying into Satan's lies. Jesus came to set us free from those lies. If you are feeling haunted by your past, take time to deal to deal with those issues. If you having doubt if there is even a God, ask Him to make himself known to you. Confess your sins and your grief will ease. Finally, thank him for sending his Son to die for you. If you have truly accepted God has your Father and you his Child--He does not desire to cause you suffer or cause you pain. God hurts just has you hurting.
Okay, you say that God isn't punishing me because of sins--then way am I having trouble having a child? I believe that God uses any struggle (difficulty getting pregnant, loss of job, financial trouble, spousal problems, etc), as a time of testing. This testing reveals any heart issues that you still need to address before Him. God uses trials to get our attention and draw us closer to Him (Page 49). If you ask Him to reveal those things to you, he will show you. Conviction is the work of the Holy Spirit. God will show you the things that you are ready to deal with. The Bible tells us that we are called to be disciples of Christ. A disciple's goal is train, mold and perfect. We are in training (like a Marine!) and it takes discipline. I believe that God is using this time in my life as a time of discipline. The key is, I have to let him.
Discipline is hard and can be painful. But it is part of the Christian walk. This walk can be and will be hard. It will allow you to grow and change in ways you never thought was possible. This fertility issue can cause us to grow in great may areas--as an individual, as a couple and as a Christian. The key is you must seek God through your pain. When you are at your lowest (after a BFN, when you find out your best friend is pregnant--girls you know what I'm talking about ! :) )--crawl up in God's lap and let Him one that you lean on!
BURDEN BEARERS
Friends, please don't tell me that I'm being punished. I am already rehashing my life to find out what did to find out why I'm in bad favor with God. Infertility already causes a false sense of blame and guilt. If you feel like that I am being punished, then please pray for me. Like all of us, I could use them!
From what I have read Hannah was not barren due to her sins. I believe that Hannah's "puzzle" was very close to Job's. Both were put through trials--neither sinned nor cursed God. I have felt (and still feel at times) that I'm being punished for my sins. In talking with other girls in my same situation, I know that I am not alone. I also know that I'm wrong to feel that way. The Bible says that if we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. There is no big too big or too small. If you have admitted your past to God and repented--He has already washed you clean. The question is --WILL YOU ACCEPT? I have realized something--I haven't FULLY accepted...
BUT I HAVE NOW!
Now that I have accepted God's grace, I'm asking you to take the same invitation. God was you (and all of us) to have a personal relationship where he will listen to the cries of your heart. Before you can have that relationship, you must first ask for forgiveness--and it must be accepted before it will be any good. Jennifer Saake paraphrases John 3:16 in a way I have never thought of--"For God so longed to call me His child, that he offered me the life of his only biological Son to pay the price of my adoption (Page 47). Jesus has already paid my debt for my sins by dying on the cross. When we continue to carry our guilt and believe that we are punished due to our sins, we are buying into Satan's lies. Jesus came to set us free from those lies. If you are feeling haunted by your past, take time to deal to deal with those issues. If you having doubt if there is even a God, ask Him to make himself known to you. Confess your sins and your grief will ease. Finally, thank him for sending his Son to die for you. If you have truly accepted God has your Father and you his Child--He does not desire to cause you suffer or cause you pain. God hurts just has you hurting.
Okay, you say that God isn't punishing me because of sins--then way am I having trouble having a child? I believe that God uses any struggle (difficulty getting pregnant, loss of job, financial trouble, spousal problems, etc), as a time of testing. This testing reveals any heart issues that you still need to address before Him. God uses trials to get our attention and draw us closer to Him (Page 49). If you ask Him to reveal those things to you, he will show you. Conviction is the work of the Holy Spirit. God will show you the things that you are ready to deal with. The Bible tells us that we are called to be disciples of Christ. A disciple's goal is train, mold and perfect. We are in training (like a Marine!) and it takes discipline. I believe that God is using this time in my life as a time of discipline. The key is, I have to let him.
Discipline is hard and can be painful. But it is part of the Christian walk. This walk can be and will be hard. It will allow you to grow and change in ways you never thought was possible. This fertility issue can cause us to grow in great may areas--as an individual, as a couple and as a Christian. The key is you must seek God through your pain. When you are at your lowest (after a BFN, when you find out your best friend is pregnant--girls you know what I'm talking about ! :) )--crawl up in God's lap and let Him one that you lean on!
BURDEN BEARERS
Friends, please don't tell me that I'm being punished. I am already rehashing my life to find out what did to find out why I'm in bad favor with God. Infertility already causes a false sense of blame and guilt. If you feel like that I am being punished, then please pray for me. Like all of us, I could use them!
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