Muller Optical

Today my co-workers and I went on a field trip to Jackson, TN to visit the lab that makes our lenses. The people at Muller are so nice and very friendly. We talk to these people several times a day so it was nice to finally put a face to a name and a voice. They gave us a tour of the lab. I never knew how much it took to make lenses. After they passed out goody bags, they took us out to lunch to the Jackson's country club. It was SO good. Anyhow, we had a safe trip there and back. Thanks Muller!

Present (Within the Last Year)

BRANDI AND ONE OF HER "MAIDS"--LAURA!


ALAN AND HIS FAMILY (OKAY...THIS ISN'T WITHIN THE LAST YEAR, BUT CLOSE ENOUGH)!


ALAN AND BRANDI


BRANDI


K-I-S-S-I-N-G

BRANDI'S FAMILY ACTING CRAZY--AS USUAL!

ALAN (MY FAVORITE PICTURE)!

Past (6 Years Ago)

I thought that it would be fun to post some pictures from our wedding--just to see how people have changed--and even really how friendships have changed. I plan on posting some "Present" pictures, so stay tuned!

JUST MARRIED!


THE BUSBY FAMILY WITH THE BRIDE AND GROOM!


THE SMITH FAMILY WITH THE GROOM


THE GROOM WITH HIS GROOMSMEN!


THE BRIDE'S FAVORITE PICTURE OF HER NEW HUSBAND!


THE GROOM'S FAVORITE PICTURE OF HIS NEW WIFE!


THE BRIDE WITH HER MAIDS AND FLOWER GIRL!

6 Happy Years!

Six years ago today, I married my best friend. That day was truly the best day of my life. I remember like it was yesterday. The usher having trouble lighting the candles. The guys missing their cue--not once--not twice--not three times (finally one of friends had to go get them. Know what they were talking about? FOOTBALL!). One of the biggest things I remember is Alan waiting for me at the end of aisle. The look on his face was priceless. I also remember thinking that this was the longest walk of my life! I knew this was the start of something great--a new chapter to my life--our life. Over the last six years, we have loved, argued, laughed(oh gosh the laughs), cried and have grown--not only as individuals but as a couple. I am truly thankful that I have Alan in my life and can not imagine what my life would be like if he was not there. Alan, I love you. Thank you for making me your wife!

Does God Hate Me?

To answer every one's question...no, I haven't fallen off the face of the earth and yes I'm still alive. You can also tell that last cycle we didn't get the results that we wanted (it's a very long story and I really don't want to rehash all the details--but the good thing out of is that I made my own egg! it was good size for the baseline ultrasound and was 2.9mm on the next ultrasound).

I really can't say that we are handling it any better than we did last time. We both are very angry, confused and bitter. We don't understand why everyone else seems to have what ever they want whenever they want it? Why does it always have to be the hard way for us? There are lyrics to an old Metallica song called "No Leaf Clover" that I keep repeating over and over in my head..."Then it comes to be that the soothing light at the end of your tunnel was just a freight train coming your way". I'm so sick of getting our hopes us and then just when we see some light at the end of our tunnel--life smacks us right in the face.

I'm so tired of being a good person, trying to do the right thing, turning the other check, etc...WHY CAN'T I HAVE THE ONE THING I HAVE WANTED ALL MY LIFE? What have I done that is so wrong to make me not deserve it? True my life is better than some. I have a wonderful husband, great family, a job and a roof over my head. BUT it feels like there is always a constant battle for us to keep up. Why is it that some people can half-way do their job and never show up and make more than me? Why is it that people who never pay there bills, end up with a better credit score. Why is it fair for a 16 year old to have TWO babies, when I would love to have one? The more I see, the more I think that being a "better" person gets you nowhere.

I remember when I started college, I started questioning things that I had been taught all my life. One of the biggest was does God exist? After some time, thinking and just living life, I decided that he did. Now, as I stand on the threshold of my 30s, I'm wondering the same thing. I am starting to believe that if he does exist then I must be considered "one of his red-headed step-children" (not sure if everyone will get that one) and he enjoys hating me and putting me through this. Will I end up end with the same answer I got when I was 18? Honestly, I not sure.

To everyone who that I've pushed away. I'm sorry for doing that. I had to have a break from "on-line". That meant e-mails, my blog, phone calls, etc. To be honest, I haven't wanted to talk to anyone. I've just wanted to be left alone. I'm moody, sad, depressed--you name it. I know that this is going to continue with me for a while...not really sure what type of blogs I'll be writing, but please don't be offend if I write something that you don't necessarily agree with. Honestly, I feel that if you don't completely know my story and haven't been through what I've been through and what I will continue to go through, then you don't have the right to disagree or tell that I'm wrong for what I am saying. Again, I'm sorry for not staying in contact with everyone. I hope everyone understands.