Hannah's Hope. Chapter 2 Envy, Jealousy and Rivalry

The more I read of Hannah's Hope, the more alike Hannah and I are. When Peninnah joined their family, Hannah struggled with feelings of jealousy and considered her a rival. Each time I hear of friend or family member becoming pregnant, I feel the same way. I know that these feelings of jealousy and that I'm competing with friends and family members are not godly--I however can not help but feel that way.

Nearly every month I learn about someone else I know who has become pregnant. These feelings of jealousy eat me up--I what to be so excited for these people, but deep down I just want to scream! Each time I hear of the "good news", I pray to God for me to be next! Everywhere I go I see very pregnant women or tiny babies. I dread going to the store--I've gotten where I try my hardest to bypass the baby section. If I do have to pass it, I bite my lip in hopes of not crying! When I hear of a 16 year old who is pregnant for the second time complain about much weight she has gained, I begin to wonder how a just God can send a baby to ungrateful people rather than into our open and willing arms? How come other couples are more qualified to be parents? True, we don't have a lot of money, but we pay our bills, have a home and we know the responsibilities that entail being parents--doesn't God owe us something?

NO!!! I am not owed a baby or an explanation. Hannah had no idea that God was going to bless her with a son that would one day lead God's people. To accuse God of making a mistake would be like trying to see the whole puzzle with just the outline done! Like Hannah, I only see one tiny piece of the God's puzzle. God sees the whole puzzle from start to finish!

What about when God's puzzle doesn't make sense? When God gives a child to someone I see as undeserving, maybe God's puzzle has as much to do with the mom as the child? God times the timing of each life to fulfill the plan he has set! If God had given Hannah a child when she first wanted him, would she have ever dedicated Samuel? I have come realize something--In order to prepare Hannah's heart and the circumstances that would lead Samuel to anoint kings--HEARTACHE HAD TO COME FIRST (Hannah's Hope, page 38)!

BURDEN BEARERS

Friends, please realize that investing in a friendship with me may be costly. I do not mean to be hard to live with or moody. Because I am hurting, I may intentionally hurt you in self-defense. Also, if you are about to start conceiving ask me how I want to receive the news (phone call, letter, through friends). If you are expecting and can't figure out how to tell me, please find some way to tell me before it becomes public knowledge. That way I will be able to cope privately and not embarrass myself.