Christmas Time!

I know, I know! A week late! What can I say? I just haven't been in the mood to update this thing. As you can tell the above pics are from Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. My Grandma was able to come and speak a week at my Mom's. We had a good time with her. I had to include one of the routine pics we take every year. The one with Mom and the bows on her head. I told a co-worker about it (see post from my work Christmas party post) and I decided to post it to convince her! The top two pics of Alan--I know I owe an explanation. Big Al is a smart butt and thinks he knows everything that he is getting for Christmas. True, he knows some things. He also is a smart butt when he wraps my presents (wrapping it 8 times, putting it several boxes, etc). Well, this year I decided to get him. I helped my Mom wrap most of the stuff, so I asked her for ideas. We decided that we would duct tape a large box--the whole box. Then wrap it up really pretty. The look on his face was priceless!

Can't Believe it's Time Already!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Alan and I wanted to take the time to wish everyone a safe and Merry Christmas!

Santa Alan! Santa Calli! Lazy Wickett!

I had to include these pics! The cats love the tree and tree skirt. As soon as we were done decorating it, they were underneath it claiming their spot. When we put the presents under it, we have to save their "spots". Calli didn't really enjoy the Santa hat, but I thought it would make a cute picture. Alan protested almost as much as Calli, but I thought he looked cute too!

Oh Christmas Tree! Oh Christmas Tree!

We got our tree on Sunday! We ended up getting the very first one we looked at!
I included some pictures of our front door and of some of our favorite decorations. Like every year, we think this tree looks the best!

Christmas Party!

We had a good time at my office Christmas Party. It was at Mallard's (which is outside Forrest City). I didn't really know what to expect since it was my first one to attend. We ate, had dessert and openned presents. I was very fortunate to receive a Christmas bonus. God really knew how much we needed it. One neat thing they do is have a Santa bag full of "grab bags". Everyone takes turns getting one out...they were things like lotion, Christmas paper, bath stuff, etc--but in each thing there was cash!! We each got five bags and I ended up with twenty four bucks! It is so nice to work for people who appreciate you and want to get to you know you and your family. Everyone hugged each other and thanked one another. So very different than where I worked at before. Let me explain the bows on heads pictures...The ladies at work and I decided that we would draw names and exchange gifts. I got Mary Ann's name and on her gift I put a big red bow on it. I told her that at my house, when we got bows like that on gifts, we would have to put the bow on. I was surprised that she did it and decided that she looked so cute that I had to take a picture!!! Monique had to join in and I insisted on getting a picture of her! We had a really good time and I feel lucky to work with and for the people I do!

Trying to Get Back to Normal.

This week has been really hard. The first two days, I spent it crying. The rest of it, I've gotten better and only get weepy once in a while. We have started talking about "next time" and are making plans. It is all too raw to really muddle through. Anyhow, I thought I would include a picture of the flowers Bubba sent me. One thing I forgot...Tuesday when I went back to work, I was really afraid of how people would handle me and our situation. Everyone was so nice and just hugged me. At the end of the day, one of my bosses (Dr. Gore) was kinda hanging around like she wanted to say something, so I went into the lab and she followed. She came in and said that she didn't know till later that morning and just didn't know what to say and they she couldn't say anything till then because she had been crying. I in turn started crying and she just hugged me. How many bosses would do that? It's making me cry just thinking about it...

Aunt Flo is a Bitch.

Well, first things first. I'm not knocked up. I pretty much knew it all along--plus two negative HPT over the weekend, the blood work today and the spotting that started Sat kinda sealed it. I'm pretty pissed the way they told us. They drew my blood and asked if we wanted to wait. Of course I said yes. They asked us to wait outside the door--with all of these other people waiting on blood work--this is also where every patient walks through to check out and make their next apointment. The lab lady calls my name and we walk over. The entire way over I'm shaking my head and she agrees and says it was it negative. Of course I start crying in front of everyone. They could have called me over to a room or something.

Anyhow, all I've done for 4 days is cry. I feel so let down. I wouldn't have made it through this without Alan. He has been very supportive. I sometimes forget that all this hurts and bothers him just as much as it does me. My family has also been very helpful. When we got back today, I went straight into our bathroom and on the sink sat a vase of flowers. I asked Alan what he had done. He said what are you talking about. I read the card--it was from my brother and mom. Again, I burst into teats. Alan called mom to thank her. She had no idea what he was talking about. Brandon had done it on his own. Thanks, Bubba!

Honestly, I am quite upset about this turnout. All the money and time we spent. Yes, I feel like a failure. If it hurts this much not to have one, I can't imagine how it feels to lose one through miscarriage or death. I'm pissed at myself, the doc, God--just about everyone. Deep down I know that God has a reason for it--I might figure it out in time--I might not. Today at work, I flipped open the Bible to the book of Job (looking for something to make me feel better)--I don't understand how Job stayed faithful the way he did. How could he not curse God? I'm not that strong. I haven't blamed him or cursed him, but the thought has been there. But then I think of the good things I have in life (life itself, Alan, my family, my new job, etc) and I know that it is just Satan trying to get in. Through this whole Gonal-F round, I have learned that I need God and I need to get back in Church. Maybe that is what he was (is)trying me to realize?

I know that we will do this again. It hurts now, but I know we will be okay with time. It will take several months to save the money back up, but I know that I won't feel like doing it again for a while so it will even out.