Dream

I have been sitting on this dream for about a month now. I have been analyzing this dream in my head over and over.

I was walking up a hill in a woodsy area.

I made it to the top and as I started to

climb down the hill, I noticed this huge tree.

Sitting underneath it was my Grandma.

She was playing with two

curly, dark haired babies.

I said, "Grandma! What are you doing?".

She said, "I'm playing with your babies!".

She picked the little boy up and was trying to teach him to walk.

I sat down and started cuddling the little girl.

I could feel her weight in my arms.

I remember hearing that perfect little girl giggling.

I remember hearing that sweet little boy belly laughing at

Grandma like she was the funniest thing ever.

I remember thinking that this was a perfect day.

I remember thinking that I do not want this to end.

Then I woke up.

At first I was so happy to see Grandma playing with my children.

Then I realized it was a dream.

I was on the verge of tears.

I had one person I deeply missed with me again

and two things that I am afraid I will never have.

It was truly one of the best dreams I have ever had.

I hope dreams do come true.

Thank You and Catch-up!

I wanted to tell everyone that has been praying for my latest prayer request, thank you! I still do not want to go into the details yet, but the situation is less of a possibility now, but I am still praying for what to do next!

Since my last post a few things have happened. We celebrated our 8 year anniversary on the 17th of this month. I can not believe that it is has been 8 years. I joke with Alan that sometimes it feels like just a few days--other times it feels like 30 years. I feel like it has always been me and Alan--I really don't remember my life without him.

On November 6th a friend of ours was killed in a car accident. She was only 37 years old and had two teenage sons. I have known her my whole life--I always considered her a cousin. She also cut my whole family's hair. She cut Alan's hair the day before her accident. Alan was the one that had to cover the accident for the paper. I still can not believe that she is gone. Her mom is taking things very hard. Please keep her family is your prayers.

It is starting "busy season" here--anniversary, Thanksgiving, Christmas parade, getting our tree, Office Christmas party, Christmas with the Rozenski bunch and then Christmas. Not to mention the shopping to get ready for all of it! We are going to be busy busy busy! Be on the look-our for lots of pictures!

A Day with My Bestie and Our Guys!

Dana and I met in the fall of 1995 at Williams Baptist College. Yes, Dana--that makes us friends for 14 years. Holy cow, 14 years. I can not believe that it has been that long. We have had some times of great closeness and a time where we our conversation lagged, but earlier this year Dana sent me an e-mail and I am so grateful that she did. See, about three weeks later my Grandma passed away. In spite of our lack of conversation, Dana came to her burial and that meant the world to me. From the day of that first e-mail (which I still have), we have picked up right where we left off. It is like it was when we were at WBC. We will chit-chat all throughout the day thanks to e-mail, unlimited texting and Facebook. I think without Dana's friendship, Grandma's passing would be harder on me than it has been. Grandma always told me that Dana was a nice girl and that I could always count on her. She was right. 14 years later, we are both married and Dana and Greg have a little boy named TJ. I am thrilled to be called "Auntie Brandi"! I personally think he the smartest little boy in the world! We got together a couple of weeks ago in Jacksonsville for me to take some fall family pictures and so we could hang out! We had a great time, laughed plenty and ate yummy Carino's! Here are a few pictures I took! Enjoy!

Prayer Request

Friends,

I can not really in to much detail, but I am asking for a huge prayer request. Over the weekend we have been asked to consider something big. We are trying to not get overly excited as even we do not have hardly any details. We are praying for guidance and hope to find out some more information over the weekend!

Please friends get your knees dirty!

Brandi

I Won!

Tuesday was the day that they judged the entries in the St. Francis County Fair. I was nervous all day long and kept joking to my co-workers that I was going to send the judges a fruit basket. Alan and I headed the exhibit hall that night after work. When we got up the section that held the photographs, I saw every photograph but mine! Alan had to point them out to me. I received four first places and two seconds! My white tiger and wedding rings picture won the two seconds! I was so happy and very pleased! I did not find out till Thursday that I won some money as well! Today I picked up my check for $42.00. I really enjoyed entering this year and am already coming up with ideas for next year!

St. Francis County Fair

Tomorrow starts fair week here in Forrest City. It is a small fair, but we go every year to take a stroll on the mid-way. I love the way the fair smells--corn dogs and funnel cake mixed in with cooler temps and the freshly mowed field and the farm animals from the exhibits! Our fair is like any other small town fair. We have pageants and exhibition hall where people can enter farm animals, handmade items (blankets, dresses, dolls, etc), canning goods, art and photography. This will be the first year that I will be submitting anything. I am sure I will not place, but I thought it would be fun to do! Here is a picture of what I am entering.

Alan is taking them out to the fairgrounds for me tomorrow. Judging will happen on Tuesday. Alan has to cover one of the pageants on Wednesday so I will find out how I did then! Wish me luck!

Shutterbug Photography

I love to take pictures. I have since I was a little girl. If someone would have told me that I could have majored in Photography, then I would have done it in a heartbeat. I was recently asked me what I liked about photography. I could not give them just one reason. I love to capture the moment--the emotion, the occasion. I love snapping and not really knowing what you are going to what you got till you develop the pictures (pictures look totally different on paper, then they do the computer!). I love planning the poses, adjusting for shadows and lines. I love being creative! I love the editing--trying to make that picture perfect, seeing if it looks better in color or black and white. I love watching someone look through their pictures for the first time and hearing the excitement in their voices--"Oh my gosh!! There are so good!".

Last fall I was asked by a coworker to take pictures of her and her husband. Another coworker heard us talking and she asked me to take pictures of her family! I went from never taking any one's pictures to having two shoots in one weekend! I was so nervous, but as soon as I had my camera in my hands it all fell into place. After editing over 500 pictures, I had my discs ready to go. I was anxious to see if my pictures would live up to their expectations. The first picture rolled across the screen...Monique's face lit up and I knew that she loved them!

Because of that weekend, I have decided to start Shutterbug Photography. I need a professional grade camera, but till we can afford one Alan is going to let me borrow his work camera for my shoots.

In October i have three shoots already on the book. The first is for my bestie Dana and her family. It will be in a park in Jacksonville (AR). I look forward to seeing what kind of poses I can do there! I also look forward to seeing my "nephew" T.J. The second shoot is for my coworker Monique. Last fall, I shot her, her hubby and their son Jay. This time I will be a family shoot--her mom, dad, sister and her family, and her brother and his wife. This will be the first time I have done one this size, I am nervous but excited!! I also have a date to shoot my cousin Merribrooke--she is a pretty girl so I hope to get some great shots of her and am able to capture her personality!

I plan on getting a Shutterbug blog up and running soon! Till then you can check the pics out on my Facebook!

Wrapped in Her Love

My Grandma loved to sew. When I was a kid, most of my clothes were made by her! She loved all kinds of sewing, but I think she loved to crochet most of all. She was so talented. She would enter her afghans in the county fair and not only would win First Place, but also Best in Show! For my Sweet 16, she crocheted me a hunter green afghan. I loved to wrap up in it on a cold winter day. It followed me to my days at WBC--everyone knew to be careful with it! On cold days, rotten days and homesick days--I would wrap up and feel safe, comforted, loved and warm. Just like I felt when I was with my Grandma.

A few weeks after my Grandma passed, my family and I gathered on a rainy Saturday to through her things that had been in storage. My Aunt Janie suggested that we start with the dresser and go from there. She pulled open the first drawer and stopped. She looked at me and said, "Mother told me to make sure you got this for when you had your baby." She pulled out a pink baby afghan. Tears welled in my eyes. All I could do was place it is a plastic sack to protect it from the rain. That is where it sat till today. I want to share what it looks like with you.

The picture doesn't do it justice.

What no one else knew (other than my Mom and Alan) is that Grandma had already given Mom two afghans to keep for me and my Brother. I remember her telling us that she was giving them to us now just in case she was not here when our babies came. I do not know if she forgot or she had the same feeling that I do. For the last year, I have felt that Alan and I are going to be blessed with twins. Call it wishful thinking. Call it dreaming. Call it whatever.

Regardless of what we are blessed with, I love knowing that my baby(ies) is going to know the love of their Great-Grandma and what it feels like to be wrapped in her love.

The Last Couple of Months...

I turned one year older--and had a great time doing so. For pictures, please check out my Facebook!

I had the opportunity of meet my "nephew" T.J. He is precious and I look forward to spoiling him rotten.

I had a Beijo Purse Party. I now own a gorgeous shiny red purse that I have named Zsa-Zsa. I look forward to having lots of fun with her!

I have lost 40 pounds!! GO ME! I had kinda fallen off the wagon, but am now officially back on full force. Since losing the 40 pounds, AF has shown up all by her little self! I told Alan that I have never been so happy for her show up in my whole life! We have decided to hold off on going to the RE till the first of next year. I want to see about losing more weight in hopes that one of two things will happen--either I will get knocked up on my own or that the meds will work better with some weight off.

I miss my Grandma so much it hurts.

I realized that I have wasted a lot of time trying to become the "Brandi" I once was. BUT I have realized that the new Brandi is becoming so much better than the old one. I no way have all this stuff figured out, but I am working on it! But hey, who isn't a work in progress?

I am closer with my best friend then I have ever been.

I think my husband rocks. Well, I have always thought this but I wanted to throw it in to the mix!

Okay I Guess.

The words above have been my standard answer to the question, "Brandi, how are you?". I am not going to lie. The last almost two months have been very rough. Especially the last two days. I am not sure what brought it on--hormones or this little old lady that came to my office yesterday afternoon. She did not look like my Grandma or really sound like her--till she said one thing--"Okay Hun." Thankfully she was not talking to me because I would have broken down into tears. I was able to close my eyes and say "Okay Brandi! Don't lose it!". Every since then, Grandma has been on my mind. I feel like I have been on the verge of tears.

But I have held them in...that is what I do- hold everything back. I have my whole life. I hold tears and anger close to me and rarely let anymore see them. Drives Alan nuts, but hey, that is me! I have always been the "strong" one. I have tried to not let things get me down--or for people to think that I was down. I did not want to be considered weak. I keep everything so pent up that I usually get upset over nothing or I get sick--seriously physically ill. I guess the stress lowers my immune system.

I guess that where I am going with this is that I have been holding my grief and other things so close that it has taken over and I have forgotten who I am.

But I do know one thing...I do not like this person I have become.

I have become someone who does not laugh as much as she used to. I do not talk as much as I used to. I look for the worst in people and expect it. I am not has silly has I used to me. I do not feel like me.

Here is my dilemma: What do I do from here? I am lost and clueless.

Maybe this whole post is because I am missing my Grandma and I am sad. I do not know.

But I know till I figure it out, I am okay.

Grandma (March 3, 1922-January 29,2009)

I told Alan that Christmas 2007 was going to be my last Christmas with my Grandma.

But why did I have to be right?

On December 14, 2008, Grandma fell at her apartment. She sustained some nasty head trauma. She bounced back and forth. Between the concussion and raging infection--which brought on chest pain and high blood pressure, we thought we were going to lose her several times. She finally started improving and all of us were hopeful. She was still in the hospital Christmas Day.

In my 31 years, I've only missed two years of being with Grandma at Christmas.

January 23, 2009 Grandma was moved to a rehab nursing home. We all hoped that once she was out and received some one-on-one care, she would be able to move back into her assisted living apartment. Deep down I knew she would hate living in the nursing home. She never ever wanted that for herself. But Grandma made the best of it and put on a brave face. My Aunt Janie said she enjoyed watching the people that lived there and loved to laugh at this one old man. January 26, 2009. Aunt Janie visited Grandma and she was in good spirits. She had gotten her hair done, dressed, put on make-up and had walked! She'd had a good day! January 27 ,2009 the staff found Grandma non-responsive. They rushed her to the hospital (thankfully it was just across the packing lot). My Uncle Mark called us and told us the the grim news. Mom and I drove to Oakland (TN) as fast as we could. It was hear-breaking to see Grandma. It was like her whole body jerked when she would breathe--like it took her whole being to get that breath in and out. The ER doctor came in and updated us on her status. She felt like Grandma had suffered a stroke. We had some options--none of them good. My Uncle Mark, Aunt Janie and Mom all stepped outside. Thankfully, everyone came to the same agreement. To sign a DNR. Since the hospital is small, it did not take them very long to get us into a room. The floor Doctor came in and wanted to be very aggressive. He wanted us to put her on the respirator (which would require us to transfer) and start antibiotics. We vetoed the respirator. Along with the antibiotics he started a morphine pump. I had to come home that night and due to the weather, I was not able to go back on Wednesday. But when the Doctor came in that morning, he whole-heartily agreed with our decision and said her lungs were filling with fluid. He increased the morphine. Thursday morning about 6:00 my cell phone rang--all I could hear was my Mom sobbing. She told me I needed to come quickly. By the grace of God, I got ready and traveled a trip that should have taken an hour and half--I was there by 8. For the next two hours we all took turns standing around her bed. Mom is a nurse and knew the signs to look for...I noticed that Grandma's breathing had started sounding very strange--a sound that I never will forget...Mom and Becky started checking pulses...

January 29, 2009 at 10:16 A.M. Ruby Oleta Busy took her last breath.

It was heart wrenching. But I am so glad that I was there.

When she passed (I still can not stay "died"), I felt like my heart was breaking in two. This is the first loss of someone important to me in my adulthood. My heart literally hurt. For the past year I had called myself preparing for that day--oh, how naive I was. I am not angry with God. Grandma had a long, happy life. I am happy knowing that she is not hurting anymore. I am happy knowing that she will not be a nursing home. I am happy knowing that she has been reunited with my Grandpa, her family, her grandchildren and great-grandchildren that have passed. I am happy knowing that she is with her Savior.

But I am selfish too. I wanted her to be here when we had a baby. I wanted her to be here when we bought our first house. I wanted her to be here to see my Brother get married. I wanted her come our house on Christmas and brag about Alan's steak (he made steaks Christmas 07 and she just went on and on taking about how that was the best steak she had ever eaten!). I would do anything to pick that phone up and hear her say "Hi Hun!".

But you know what? I will see her again.

After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever. I Thessalonians 4:17

The planning, funeral and burial where stressful, but in true Busby fashion we made it through on laughs. I am sure that over the next couple of weeks I will share the laughs--some may not find them funny but I want to write them down so I do not forget them.

If I had to pick one thing that has happened through Grandma's passing it would be that my family is slowly coming back together. By family I mean my whole extended family. We let some trivial stupid things divide us, we now I feel that we are getting to know each other again. I will write about that later too.

I am doing good. I have my good days and bad days. I still can not look at her picture without tears coming. March 3rd was the hardest day so far. She would have turned 87. We celebrated by going to eat catfish in her honor!

I do want to thank everyone who called, texted, e-mailed and prayed. We could not have made it through it without your compassion. Please continue to keep us in your prayers.

MeMe-

Thank you for loving me like no one else could. I always felt like I had it better than everyone else--because I had two Moms. I will never forget what you have taught me. I will never forget all the good times we had--Bo and Luke Duke, vacations, me sleeping on your arm every night... If you had not such an active role in my and Brandon's life, our life would have been very empty. I close my eyes and I see your face. If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place. Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow I've never been more homesick than now (Lyrics from Homesick by MercyMe). I know you will be waiting for me when I am called home.

I love you,
Brandi

I'm Back!

We finally got a new computer! YIIPPPEEE!!!! I plan to post a lot more than I have been...stay tuned for a long post to update everyone!