Christmas with the Rozenski Trio

A couple of weekends ago, Dana, Greg and TJ came over to Wynne to celebrate Christmas with us and to see the house!  We had a great time!  Here are a few pics from the day...sorry they are kinda out of order.

The gang decorating sugar cookies!

 Greg being Greg.

 Dana tickled.

 Two of my favorite people.

 Dana showing off her artwork.

 Double and Trouble's artwork.

 TJ was so proud of his cookies!

 Dana and TJ

The Rozenski and Smith gang,

Quotes I do not want to forget from the day...

"My food was yucky"--TJ told this to our waitress and he hadn't even tried his burger

"That's a ladybug"--he said the Buzz on Alan's GT hat was a ladybug

"I'm gonna call 911 on you and they are going to put you in jail"--he told this to his Mom at Mike's for no reason...

"Santa needs to go to time out"--he was scared to death of Santa--he was convinced Santa was going to eat with us and then come back to our house...all thanks to Uncle Alan.

Thankful

Over the last couple months, I have been thinking about what I don't have.  Last night I realized that I should be grateful for what I DO have...

1. I have the love of a good man.  Alan loves when I am at my best and worst.  When I am feeling great and when I have a 2 miles radius of snot rags around me.  No matter what happens, he will be there for me.

2. I have my family who is there for me no matter what.

3. I have awesome friends.  They are there whenever I need them.

4.  Alan and I both are employed.  They are not exactly what we want, but with so many people without jobs, I am thankful to receive a paycheck each week.

5.  I may not feel 100% everyday, but compared to a lot of people I have good health.

I hope on this Thanksgiving Day each  of take time to thank God for the good things that you have in your lives!

PITY, PARTY OF ONE

I am having a pity party. 

I am having a hard time with this baby stuff.

I just burst into tears Tuesday night when Big Al and I went to bed.  If you know me, you know that is not like me.

I think I shocked Alan.  He said he knew that stuff stayed on my mind all the time, but did not not it was bothering me as much as it was.

I don't think people realize how close to the surface this baby business is for me.

I don't think people know how I bypass the baby section in whatever store I am in.

I don't think people understand that the door to our empty "hopefully a nursery" room has not been open in three months.

I don't think people know how hard it is for me to hold their newborn babies and  to tell them that how pretty it is.

I don't know why people don't stop and think before they ask me for the millionth time when are going to have kids. 

I am never one to show that I am down.  I feel like I let people down when I am down.  I feel like they would be upset if they knew I was down.  I guess you could call me a people pleaser.  I hate feeling like I can't have a pity party because I am afraid someone else is going to be upset because I'm upset.

I hate not being able to have a good cry-fest when I need one.

I hate my heart feeling like it is broken.  I hate feeling like there is a huge weight on my chest.

I hate feeling like it is me alone against this big, bad fertile world.

Our House!

Stream of Consciousness

I have been a bad blogger...just not too much really going on.  But things are going to start picking up soon...Tomorrow, we are heading to "Autumn on the Square" in a nearby town.  They have vendors with various things to sell...a live band...food.  Should make for a fun time.  Then in October we are heading to spend the day with the Bestie (every time I type "Bestie" i accidentally type "Beastie"...hahah. sorry Dana) and her family in Jacksonville.  We are going to go to a pumpkin patch.  They have a petting area (I think), hayrides and a corn maze.  Lots of pictures should come from that day.

We have been busy with the house...hope to get some pics up very soon.  We need to buy small things for some of the rooms, then they will be completely done!  When we are done painting, I never want to see another paint room again. 

I am so ready for fall...this heat is about to kill me...I am ready for the leaves to change...to open the windows...jeans...bonfires.  Fall, where the heck are you?

Something To Hold On To

Do you ever feel like you wished you had something you could reach out to and hold on to with both hands?  That if you had that something you could make it through your trials, heartache or even just your day?

I am in that spot.

The last week or so I just have not felt like myself.  After thinking about it, I think I just kinda really blue.  Most of the time I just push this whole baby mess out of my mind.  I keep myself busy with work, reading and things around the house.  Lately, every thought I have is centered around a baby.  Every where I look, someone is knocked up.  Or see on Facebook where someone just had a baby.  It does not help that I have a coworker who is intent on telling me every detail about her sister-in-law's pregnancy.  She knows how hard we are trying for a baby...I do not know if she doing it on purpose or if she just wanting to me see it.  The thing that bothers me the most is that she knows how much I love ladybugs and apparently her sister-in-law is doing ladybugs for her baby so everytime she posts pictures to her blog, my co-worker will come and get me to show me the pictures.  WHY?

I am afraid if I say something to her, I am going to end up saying something hurtful.  I want to tell her that even though I do not discuss it all the time, babies are on my mind constantly.  I want to tell her that it is not fair that people like her sister-in-law got pregnant the first month of trying.  I want to tell her that I do not give a care damn what her nursery looks like.  I want to tell her that we have an empty bedroom that I am afraid to decorate because I am afraid if we do then it will mean that we will never have a nursery to decorate.  I want to tell her that I stand in the doorway, crying, trying to mentally arrange where I want to put a crib.  I want to tell her I feel like I have let everyone down in my family.  I want to tell her that I feel let down.  I want to tell her that I feel like a failure.  I just want to tell her to please shut up.

I read all these blogs by women in the same boat as me.  They talk about their faith and how they hang on to that.  I want to feel that way.  I start praying for peace, but then I get so mad and feel so let down.  I am at the spot where I am questioning my faith.  Questioning what is real and fair.  I really do not like feeling this way.  I want something that I can wrap myself up in. Something to protect myself from the harsh reality of the world. 

I want  need something to hold on to.

Simple Pleasures Take 3

1.  Finding pairs of ladybugs all through our new house--especially in our bedroom!
2. A good book that turns out to be part of a really good series.
3. Having a friend who loves books as much as you do and turned you on to the series mentioned above.
4. Knowing next week we are doctor free!
5. Smelling fresh cut grass.

I'M BACK!

We finally have internet at the new house!!  I hope to post some pictures and do and update post soon!!

Simple Pleasures Take 2

* Seeing baby poop yellow paint being covered up by Cocoa Spice

* Laughing with family and friends around the kitchen table

* Mowing your own yard  Watching the Hubs mow your yard

* Peach cobbler on your Birthday

* Brightly painted toe nails!

Beans Don't Burn on the Grill

We will close on the house March 26th or the 29th!  We are so excited and looking forward to the move.  I have been Alan a hard time calling him a "slave driver".  Every night this week, he has had us sorting through stuff.  I really think if it was up to him, we would have everything packed!  He is also calling it our "Party Mansion".  There is an episode of It's Always Sunny where they talk about their party mansion...

My co-workers are just has excited has I am.  Everyday I keep saying "Know what? I'M MOVING!!!"!!  I also started singing "Movin' Movin" to the tune of Raw Hide and "Movin on up" from the Jeffersons...

Well we're movin on up,

To the east side.

To a deluxe apartment in the sky.

Movin on up,

To the east side.

We finally got a piece of the pie.

Fish don't fry in the kitchen;

Beans don't burn on the grill.

Took a whole lotta tryin',

Just to get up that hill.

Now we're up in the big leagues,

Gettin' our turn at bat.

As long as we live, it's you and me baby,

There ain't nothin wrong with that.

Well we're movin on up,

To the east side.

To a deluxe apartment in the sky.

Movin on up,

To the east side.

We finally got a piece of the pie.

I Like to Move It Move It!

WE ARE MOVING!!  That's right folks, moving.  To a new city!  Well, the city is only 20 mintues from here, but still it new to us.  We will still keep the same jobs we have now, but now we will be living in a HOUSE!  No more fighting over parking spots.  No more China Baby walking around in lead boots!  We will have a yard.  We will be able to paint.  We will be able to be has loud as we want!  YIIPPPEE!  We just found out that our loan has gone through and the home inspection is happening as I type!  Below are some pics of the house!

For Great Dane

Mom's tub

Her room

office maybe?

extra bathroom

den

window in our room

our bathroom take 1

our bathroom take 2

alan's man cave

kitchen

living room view 1

living room view 2

guest room

Winter Wonderland

Last Sunday our town got some unexpected winter!  We were shocked when we woke up Monday morning.  Most of the town was shut down till Thursday.  Here are a few pics!

Some of the trees behind our apartment.

The walkway at my office.

The church across the street from my office.

Lose to Win in 2010

I have my team.  We have a team name.  All we have to do is weigh in, then the hard part starts--the diet  lifestyle change.  My team consists of myself, Christy (a coworker), my Mom and Rosemary (one of her coworkers). Even though we are weighing in today, my diet will not start until Monday.  Who in the world starts their diet on a Friday?  Right before Valentine's Day?  That is nuts!  Anyhow, the competition will go from today through the end of April.  Whichever team loses the biggest percentage of weight will win money (each team member had to pay $15.00). I do no know if we will win or not--or even if we have a chance, but it will be fun to do!  Oh, yeah--our team name---the Badonkadonk Busters!

Trepidation about the Process of Getting Knocked Up.

We have finally decided to move along with getting knocked up. Trepidation creeps up my spine.  Last year I just was not mentally ready to see a BFN after losing my Grandma.  After we did our taxes, we saw that we are going to be able to go to the RE before we thought we were going to be able to.  The thought makes my palms sweat and I become sick to my stomach.  I know going to the RE we are hitting the Big Leagues.  I know that they are going to want to hit it with all there is to hit with.  I want that.  I really do.  I am tired of playing in the Minors.  I am ready to go Pro. 

But I am also scared.  I have been looking foward to trying again.  I have been excited about this next step. 

Now, I am scared to death. Why?

I am not not really sure of all the reasons.   I know these will be the people that can tell me  if a pregnancy is possible (I really do not see why not, my body does what it is supposed to when I am medicated.  I just do not think Dr. D was a heavy hitter). 

I know that they are going to want to do many tests and procedures.

I am scared about money. 

I am scared about it not working. 

I am scared of it working. 

I am scared of it working too well.

We think probably by the end of April or the beginning of May we will have our first appointment.  In the meantime, we are concentrating on losing weight (more on that in another post) and eating healthy. 

I do ask for prayer.  Peace, patience, strength and more patience.  Patience has never been a virture of mine...

Simple Pleasures

Sun peeking out on a cloudy day.

Fresh cut grass in the Summer.

Sonic Diet Coke

Real mail (not bills).

Chatting with your Best Friend.

Calls on your Birthday.

Clean sheets.

Cuddling with my Big Al.

Finding "lost" money.

Finding a forgotten box of Appleheads.

I have been a bad blogger...

Time has just gotten away from me.  One day it is a month before Christmas and now here it is almost a month after!  Hopefully things will calm down and I can get back to blogging more.  I did get my dream camera for Christmas so I should be posting more pictures soon!  I have it ready to go, just have not have anything excting to shoot!  Anyhow, one of my New Years resolutions was to blog more so we shall see!

Christmas Parade and Decorations

Here I am getting ready for the parade!

Us freezing our booties off!

Me, Mom, Brandon and Malissa

Here are a just a few of my favorite decorations!

My Grandmother loved this little birdhouse.

A cute little bow I made.

My Aunt Janie made this for me in 1981.

Just a cute cupcake!

I loved my dining room table this year!

Office Christmas Party

We had our staff Christmas party at our country club.  We had a blast, but I did not take very many pictures!

Here I am with my gag gift.  Yes it is a fire hat.  That is all I am going to say!

Here is me and my honey!

This is one of my coworkers, Doronia.  We have gotten her hooked on Twilight.  She finds Edward an absolute delight.  We changed her computer desktop picture to one of Edward.  Every evening she would tell him goodbye.  I decided to get her a picture--that way,she would not have to tell him goodnight!

I love this picture of Dr. Morris.  The look on his face is "I know I should know why I am getting this, but right now I am clueless." Do not worry, he remembered the joke shortly after.  When I came to work for two eye doctors, I never dreamed I would see the things that I have seen...

Christmas with the Family

I know I am late with these but...Things got really busy really fast!  Here are just a few pictures from our Christmas with the Rozenski bunch and then Christmas day with my family!

Our tree!

Santa Sadie

Me and Roxy

Big Al

Mom and the Busby tradition

Brandon and Malissa

Alan and me

Elf TJ

TJ is either going on So You Think You Can Dance or America's Best Dance Crew.

Elf Alan and TJ and Stickers the Cat

Dana and her hat

TJ enjoying the hat

Greg getting in on the fun

Best buddies

The Rozenski Bunch

"I farted" by TJ Rozenski