Mom's Birthday!

I'm a little late in posting this but...Mom's birthday was May 6th. We surprised her and took her to Johnny Carino's in Little Rock (it is so good!!!). Then we came back to our apartment for gifts and cake!

Hannah's Hope. Chapter 2 Envy, Jealousy and Rivalry

The more I read of Hannah's Hope, the more alike Hannah and I are. When Peninnah joined their family, Hannah struggled with feelings of jealousy and considered her a rival. Each time I hear of friend or family member becoming pregnant, I feel the same way. I know that these feelings of jealousy and that I'm competing with friends and family members are not godly--I however can not help but feel that way.

Nearly every month I learn about someone else I know who has become pregnant. These feelings of jealousy eat me up--I what to be so excited for these people, but deep down I just want to scream! Each time I hear of the "good news", I pray to God for me to be next! Everywhere I go I see very pregnant women or tiny babies. I dread going to the store--I've gotten where I try my hardest to bypass the baby section. If I do have to pass it, I bite my lip in hopes of not crying! When I hear of a 16 year old who is pregnant for the second time complain about much weight she has gained, I begin to wonder how a just God can send a baby to ungrateful people rather than into our open and willing arms? How come other couples are more qualified to be parents? True, we don't have a lot of money, but we pay our bills, have a home and we know the responsibilities that entail being parents--doesn't God owe us something?

NO!!! I am not owed a baby or an explanation. Hannah had no idea that God was going to bless her with a son that would one day lead God's people. To accuse God of making a mistake would be like trying to see the whole puzzle with just the outline done! Like Hannah, I only see one tiny piece of the God's puzzle. God sees the whole puzzle from start to finish!

What about when God's puzzle doesn't make sense? When God gives a child to someone I see as undeserving, maybe God's puzzle has as much to do with the mom as the child? God times the timing of each life to fulfill the plan he has set! If God had given Hannah a child when she first wanted him, would she have ever dedicated Samuel? I have come realize something--In order to prepare Hannah's heart and the circumstances that would lead Samuel to anoint kings--HEARTACHE HAD TO COME FIRST (Hannah's Hope, page 38)!

BURDEN BEARERS

Friends, please realize that investing in a friendship with me may be costly. I do not mean to be hard to live with or moody. Because I am hurting, I may intentionally hurt you in self-defense. Also, if you are about to start conceiving ask me how I want to receive the news (phone call, letter, through friends). If you are expecting and can't figure out how to tell me, please find some way to tell me before it becomes public knowledge. That way I will be able to cope privately and not embarrass myself.

Hannah's Hope. Chapter 1 Family Ties

I have been reading a wonderful book called Hannah's Hope by Jennifer Saake. I have fallen behind on my reading and really miss it. I thought that one way to get the full understanding of each chapter would be to write about it each week. Please don't expect it to make perfect sense or to be a work of art--I'm just going to write what I got out of it and how I feel. Please feel free to read each entry and leave comments. THANKS!


On a weekly basis I am asked when Alan and I are going to start a family--like the author says--we started a family the day we were married. Why do people think that it takes more than two to be a family? A family is the most basic group in which people have always lived (Hannha's Hope pg 25)--it is how we define our selves. ALAN AND I ARE A FAMILY! I want to tell these people of the pills I have taken, the shots that Alan has injected into my belly--of the countless tests I have taken--but I know that they are making small talk. I say in a steady voice--"Hopefully soon."

Hannah went into her marriage with the same hopes and desire that I did. She wanted to have a child with the man that she loved. She wanted her son to be the one to carry on her husband's name. Month after month, all she could do was lean on God and seek his heart. I know that every couple that seeks his heart is not promised a child--but God is a big God. He can heal every broken and bitter heart (Hannah's Hope pg. 20)

At the end of every chapter there is a little section called "Burden Bearers". It is a little something for friends of couples like Alan and myself.

BURDEN BEARERS

Please don't let the first few words between us be "Got any kids?". These questions strike very close to my heart--something along the lines of "so, tell me a little bit about you." breaks the ice much easier. Anyone whose life is less than perfect (jobless, single, childless, etc) will appreicate you for it!

Holy Cow! 24 Pounds!

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. I weighed this morning at the gym and to my surprise I have lost 23 pounds. I didn't my happy dance and everyone just laughed at me! I'm up to 2 miles and have increased how much I'm doing on all the weight machines. I'm also up to 100 sit-ups...that's right 100! WHOO-HOO TO ME!!!

Down a Scrub Pant Size!

When I weighed in last Monday, I hadn't lost a pound. I was pretty upset...but then I really began to notice how loose my clothes were! Not only my work clothes--my street clothes are drooping!!! This weekend I had to buy a scrub bottom from Wal-mart...they didn't have the size that I thought I needed but Alan convinced me to try on the size smaller--to my amazement THEY FIT!!! I was so excited. I was doing my happy dance all over the fitting area at Wal-Mart!!!

On the work-out front-- we are up to walking 2 miles, I'm doing 80 sit-ups and I believe that Alan is doing 120. We just signed up for out 2nd month at the fitness center. I'm so proud that we are finally sticking to working out and eating better!

Exercise!

I just realized that I hadn't posted anything new about our diet and exercise. For those of you that know me well, you are thinking that I've quiet and am the fast track back to carbtown. You are WRONG!! :) We are still exercising daily (up to walking a mile and half, weights, and I'm doing 70 sit-ups--Alan over 100--show off!) and are low-carbing. It's been about two weeks since I've weighed (with my b-day, Bub's b-day and Easter--no way was I going to weigh!). I plan on weighing in on Monday and when I do, I will be sure and post something. I believe that I have lost--pounds and inches. I'm finally getting some curves at my sides!! WHOO-HOO!

Zoo!

Two men in a boat!

Brandon in Indian artwork!

Polar bear goin' in for a plunge!

My silly Alan!
I love my bamboo!

Brandon and Mom.

Brandi and Alan

GRRR!! I'm a Chinese Alligator!

Lions, Tigers and Cheetahs?

Dinner time!

Here are a few pictures from the Zoo. We had a great time--even if we did freeze our butts off! But with the weather being cold, most of the animals were up and about!

Brandon's Birthday!

Brandon's Birthday was April 7. We all went to Memphis and went to the zoo (pics will posted next post) and then out to eat. I think we all had a great time!

My Birthday!

I had a really great birthday! My Mom made my favorite meal--Cream Tacos and a wilted salad. It was so good and I really enjoyed it! Mom and Brandon decorated the house--it turned out great! Thank you everyone for the birthday wishes, cards, thoughts and presents. It really means a lot to me!

HodgePodge of Pictures!

Sadie and the battle for the plate!

Alan "wearing" my crown!

My "big" gift from Alan. I had been wanting a right hand diamond ring for a few years now! Didn't Alan do good?

Gifts from Mom and Brandon!

Bubba!

Me and Big Al!

Alan's Wrestling Face!

Doesn't he look cute? Enough said!

Suzanne Sugarbaker

Here is me in my Crown!! Ever since I was a teen (or maybe before), my family always called me Suzanne Sugarbaker. I thought (and think) that every girl deserves a crown. My Mom makes sure that every birthday I have one!

My Cake!

I really got spoiled this Birthday!! Alan made me a wonderful German Chocolate Cake. It was so good! It was the first chocolate that I'd had in almost a month. Well worth the wait!

Early Birthday Present!

This Wednesday I will celebrate the big 3-0. My Mom gave me my Birthday present early! We got new furniture with our tax return. Once it got moved in we realized how bad we needed a new entertainment center! It looks really good and we are enjoying it! Here are some pics! THANKS MOM! Once we get some stuff for the walls and some of pictures enlarged, I think our living room will be just what we wanted!!

13 Pounds!

We are now a week and half into our work out and just about three weeks into our "life style change" (AKA as DIET) and I've lost 13 pounds!!!!! I'm so excited. I haven't weighted again since last Sat...I asked Alan to hide the scale so that I wouldn't step on them everyday. I hope to weight in tomorrow. We are walking a mile and doing some of the weights. I'm huffing and puffing less and less--as soon as I stop we are going to step it up to a mile and half! As I lose more and more I will start posting pics.

We have a big week coming up. I hit the big 3-0 on Wed and my Brother has his birthday on Sat. We are going to the zoo on Sat with my Mom and Brother to celebrate. I will post pics of all the excitement!

Walkin'

We joined the Multi-purpose center today. The center is so much nicer than I had expected. B-ball courts, walking track (that's padded), weight machines, pool tables, rooms for conferences, etc. Eight times around the track makes a mile-WE MADE IT EIGHT TIMES. I would have liked to have gone some more, but I was afraid of over doing it...I had to have knee surgery several years ago and if I do too much it can flare up. Anyhow, I'm also down another two pounds, so that makes 8!

Down

The last few days I have felt really down. I don't know if it is because of my impending birthday (yes, I will be hitting the big 3-0) or the fact I'm not a mom yet...all I know is that I'm down and I hate feeling this way.

On other fronts, Alan and I started a diet last Monday. I am down 6 pounds. I'm really excited and for some reason, I'm really motivated. We are going to join our town's multi-purpose center tomorrow. They have a walking track, weight machines and b-ball courts. We can use it has much as we want for about 25 bucks a month. Not bad! I'm hoping that once we start walking, the weight will really start coming off!

I have started reading a great book called Hannah's Hope. I'm hoping that it will be give me some idea of how to handle all that I'm going through. I think I might write a little summary of each chapter--what to you think?

Strep Throat and Double Ear Infection

For the last 3 or 4 weeks, Big Al has been battling a cold. I was so doing so good--hadn't caught it. Wednesday morning I woke up with a horrible sore throat. Thought Okay, it is from drainage. Well, two days later and several slushies later, my throat was worse. This morning when Alan checked it and my tonsils was really swollen but no white patches. I had lunch with my Mom and since she is a nurse I had her check it out...the dreaded white patches. Luckily, my doc here in town was able to get me in. The verdict is strep throat and ear infections. I think he was more concerned with my ears than my throat. I feel really bad--Big Al is taking good care of me! Hopefully, I'll get a day or so of the antibiotic in my system and I'll be good as new! He also gave me some of the good cough syrup--I hope I can get a good sleep tonight!

Putting an End to Self-Pity

As many of you know, I work in an eye doctor's office. One of my many job duties is helping patients pick out and fit them for glasses. Well, one day we had a girl come in and right away I noticed that she was extremely skinny and obviously was wearing a wig. I immediately thought that this girl has cancer. After reviewing her paperwork, I saw that I was right. She has been battling cervical cancer for 6 years. This girl is just 23. I've been stuck in a rut and feeling sorry for myself--seeing this girl and knowing that everyday she battles for her life made me realize that I needed to stop feeling sorry for myself and be grateful for what I have (a wonderful hubby, mom and bubba who love me, life itself, a home, a good job, etc). I know someday that I will be a Mom. I just have to put my faith in God--that in his time it will happen.

Pics of Big Al and the Kitties!

Alan is gonna kill me when he sees these pics!